hi all, I have recently posted here that things are going well after a long winter... . my suspected BPDh gave me the silence treatment for over 5 months since January after the birth of our second child, the reason he said then was because'i dont listen'.
But he decided to make contact again and in the last past 7 weeks things are going well, some problems here and there, regarding food or my friends, but overall the tools are working specially the 'inactive listener' skills i gained somewhere I read here.
The more he talks and feels I am listening, the less problems we have. He doesnt meet my emotionals needs but i am contented in this relationship at the moment.
At the moment he is in a youth camp with the young people of his church where he works, and if you have read my story, one of the things i have worked on and am achieving, is to get him to change him type of work. He works as a minister in a church, although he is very good at it, nobody knows waht we really live and he suffers to much with so much interpersonal problems there. Anyway, last year he started studying for his second masters and is getting well with it, only high marks, so we hope he will be able to change careers and might even move countries a second time (this is not our home country, we have been living here for 8 years now, and bores me to death to think of living here forever... . ).
But there are few people who have been close to me and really like both of us and one particular friend knows what i go through. Since last year he started to dislike her and her husband. Out of the blue, i only went to a baby shower in her church and took a bit longer to arrive than what i said, since then he never really wants me even to mention her name. I tried to respect it, but as she moved city, I thought that while he was camping with the youth, I could take the train and visit this friend and her new house. I vaguely mentioned it, so check on his reaction, and he said 'dont even think of it' - taking my children to a sleepover at hers while he is away. After that episode he didnt talk to me until the evening and never mentioned his reaction or my friend as if nothing had ever happened.
Any way, do you have any tools for me to explore this jealousy and try to keep some old friends? i used to get angry but i know now how jealous he can be and insecure he can loose me somehow to this friend, but there must be ways out there that i could work on, without setting his feelings... .
About the film Silver linings playbook, we were watching it the other day. In the past i made the mistake of throwing at his face tha he was mentally ill, i even sent him some articles about borderline. For some reason, he completely ignored the fact that i mentioned borderline and refers to what i say he has as a bipolar. so, while we were watching the film and also few days after he kept asking, 'do you really think i am bipolar? do you?'
to which i said no you are not, and apologised ( i always do, still working on it)
He problably knows something is wrong with him, but would never do anything about it. Maybe he wanted me to say not bipolar but borderline, just to create a reason to explode, but i kept quiet.
He is 38 now, so i lost hope he might ever look for treatment. He is too charming to people to believe sth is wrong with him. I am enjoying the good times, as normally it lasts until he goes back to his studies in the end of September, them few weeks on and off until the winter, to which he suffers a lot, but works normally in the outside world.
Thank you for reading. Any thoughts on the friendship issue are welcome!
