just a little advice for those divorcing

[cal644]

My mind is still blown. Today I received an email from my attorney saying that my exs attorneys said I was texting her, calling her, and emailing her 100 times a day. Floored me 99% of all texts are kid or finance related. I have every text and email saved and there is no way in the world they are anything but calm and caring. Plus for the record there has been less than 100 in the last two months all kid or finance related. So a word of advice, save everything.

[Ishenuts]

I don't understand... . why are you emailing your ex's attorney? Shouldn't your attorney be handling correspondence for you? During my divorce, my ex wrote to my attorney once, and she sent a nasty letter to him and his attorney, saying she never wanted to hear directly from him again. I just thought it was a professional no-no?

[cal644]

I'm not emailing her attorney at all. She was saying to her attorney that I was harassing her. But everything is required information on the kids. That is why it floored me. Honestly 80%of the texts start from her.

[momtara]

Well, she is the one who would have to show those texts to the court to prove it.  It's good you can defend yourself too, if necessary.

[seeking balance]

www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/

This is a tool that for a small yearly fee will document everything and is widely accepted by courts, mediators, attorneys.

It can centralize ALL communication and even shows if an email or text is read so that you cannot use the "I didn't get it" excuse.

Documenting in a central location and having a track record of ALL communications when dealing with children can be very, very helpful if custody issues arise.  This tool is highly recommended in high conflict divorces involving custody. 

[livednlearned]

My mind is still blown.

Prepare for more of this. Have you read Splitting by Bill Eddy? If not, it's a must-read. That, and Divorce Poison by Richard Warshaw. Family court is stressful even if you aren't BPD. Put someone with an emotional regulation disorder together with court, and it gets surreal fast.

A lot of people here recommend documenting everything. Everything means everything. And be careful about face-to-face interactions with her -- if you are able to in your state, get a recording device in case she makes more false allegations against you.

[hell0kitty]

We used OFW for exactly one year until BPD ex decided she would not renew.

Also, if you have an iPhone, there are cheap apps that will allow you to download all of your texts.  We bought one for $30 and have turned them all in to court.  She was trying to claim BF was harassing her, when he only ever texted her with polite texts for child related drop off pick up.  When she saw that we downloaded all texts and turned them in, her claims of text harassment have ended. 

The one thing the evaluator pointed out was that BPDex has made a TON Of claims of DV, drugs, alcohol, anger issues, harassment towards my BF, but she has not given one example or even attempted to give one shred of evidence that he is any of those things.

Keeping calm and documenting everything has been key.  Also, I never let him alone with her.  We always find a way to make sure an adult witness is there. ALWAYS.

[momtara]

What is the name of that app?

[livednlearned]

The one I use for my iPhone is Phone View, and it's awesome. It prints text messages out exactly as they appear on your phone. Saves voice mails, texts, images, and it's really easy to use. You can print the texts off in PDF format -- other apps (especially the Droid ones) printed them out in a spreadsheet that was a little harder to read, and much harder to install, save, archive, send, etc.

My company paid for my iPhone, so I didn't have to invest in an expensive phone out of my own funds, but knowing how easy it is to sync info with my computer, and knowing how important that documentation is, I would spring for phone (refurbished phones are a bit cheaper and I've never had problems with them) and pay for it out of my own pocket if I had to.

[hell0kitty]

The one we used is called DiskAid. www.digidna.net/diskaid  It worked really well.  We were able to download everything and print it all to turn in to court.