Frustrated with our GAL

[sanemom]

Our GAL gets so easily sucked in by DH's BPD ex.  We had a court date today, and apparently the GAL spoke with BPD ex yesterday.  She told a couple of stories, said that the boys wanted to move in with her, and the GAL just believed the stories immediately--and of course, they were completely false.  The GAL called our lawyer, our lawyer suggested he talk with DH to get DH's perspective on the stories (it never occurred to him to do that?).  Anyway, the GAL called DH, but never asked for his perspective on her crazy stories.  Instead the GAL calls DH to bully him into settling with BPD ex... . told him he could lose the boys if he doesn't.  In fact, he told DH to agree to something completely different from what the GAL himself wrote in his recommendation a few weeks ago... . essentially told DH to pay BPD mom $3000 of her attorney's fees and forget child support so he could keep the boys and not go to trial.  It's like he is trying to save the day for BPD mom again.

Our new strategy is not to even bother telling the GAL our evidence.  He doesn't want to hear anything that disproves his theory--it is like he wants to stay in denial.  Our lawyer asked him if he had talked with the boys' counselor, and he hadn't bothered.  He has spent a total of two hours talking with DH and interviewing the kids here in the past ten months.  He didn't go to mediation.  And our portion was $1750 (I seriously doubt BPD mom paid him at all).  I know he has spent a lot more time with BPD mom.  It is frustrating.

Our lawyer suggests we just let him hang himself.  When he goes to court proclaiming that the boys want to live with mom, and the counselor who has actually been talking to the boys says otherwise, he is going to look stupid.

[Ishenuts]

Our GAL had made some questionable decisions, and had refused to remove wording from the parenting plan that I knew would create problems because they weren't clear enough, and uNPDexH would interpret them in his messed up way. She told my lawyer that she "knew" what I was up against with my uNPDexH being difficult. She has never met our children. When I have asked her for clarifications since the divorce, she is very wishy-washy. It is frustrating! My biggest concern is the power GALs have in court. My lawyer told me that the GAL's word would be gospel. I feel that she is intimidated by the exH. I just avoid working with her now, if I can.

[sanemom]

My biggest concern is the power GALs have in court. My lawyer told me that the GAL's word would be gospel. I feel that she is intimidated by the exH. I just avoid working with her now, if I can.

Yes, it is frustrating how much power they can have in court, especially when they are not trained with these high conflict cases.  The first judge we had would just rubber stamp anything the GAL said, and with the GAL just believing EVERYTHING the BPD mom said (even though we would show him hard evidence that she lied about a ton of stuff under oath), we were in trouble. 

Now we switched judges.  Fortunately, this one does not just do whatever the GAL says.  We are in much better shape.

But it really depends on your judge.

[sanemom]

We just got a huge win in court for us.  BPD mom has been fighting reunification therapy between DH and DSD for almost a year.  After it was apparent that she was going to have to give in to it, she was forcing DH to use DSD's therapist (who she had already told who knows what to), and the GAL was right there helping her on that one. 

We filed a motion for continuance, and at the last minute her lawyer was a no-show (and GAL decided to no show, too).  Our attorney decided to take that opportunity to have DH's court appointed therapist (who was supposed to "bridge the gap" with DSD's therapist and make the family therapy happen) testify the following:

1.  DH has been fully cooperative with the therapist--has met with her, signed the releases, etc.

2.  BPD mom gave the court-appointed therapist bogus contact information for DSD's therapist

3.  Court appointed therapist has not been able to get in contact with DSD's therapist

4.  Court appointed therapist is not sure if BPD mom signed the court-ordered releases with DSD's therapist since therapist won't talk with her.

SOO... . the judge ordered for the court-ordered therapist, who has met with DH 2-3 times, do the family therapy between DH and DSD.

I am sure BPD mom is going to be livid when she finds out--she has now lost control.  Her puppet therapist is no longer involved in the case.

[DreamGirl]

SOO... . the judge ordered for the court-ordered therapist, who has met with DH 2-3 times, do the family therapy between DH and DSD.

This is awesome. A third party who you trust and will help the alienation efforts going on is a huge win. 

I am sure BPD mom is going to be livid when she finds out--she has now lost control.  Her puppet therapist is no longer involved in the case.

This part doesn't matter.

Don't be attached to it - her reaction is her reaction. You're doing the right thing in getting help when it comes to the relationship between a daughter and her dad. It's been a rough road your SD. And your husband.

I think they really needed this win.

And I'm so glad they got it. 

[sanemom]

 

I am sure BPD mom is going to be livid when she finds out--she has now lost control.  Her puppet therapist is no longer involved in the case.

This part doesn't matter.

Don't be attached to it - her reaction is her reaction. You're doing the right thing in getting help when it comes to the relationship between a daughter and her dad. It's been a rough road your SD. And your husband.

I think they really needed this win.

And I'm so glad they got it.  

Thanks, DG.  You are right... . her reactions are her reactions.  It just makes me sad because I know that the kids pay a price for that.  Every time BPD mom starts losing control, the kids seem to come back more quiet, more distant, and it takes work to get them back into "normalcy."  We don't know really what all she is telling them--they don't tell us (but they have mentioned superficial things to their counselor to let us know they know quite a bit about the court stuff)--we just try to make this a home without drama.

I have heard through the grapevine that the court appointed therapist had a mom with BPD and is very good with these cases.  

We just need some healing between the two of them... . there has been quite a bit of damage since DSD has moved in with her mom.