lies... lies... a d more lies

[Dibdob59]

Hi Vivek

Thank you for your reply.

In answer to your question of how I feel, I want to run, as fast and as far as I can and I never want to stop. I can't do that though as I have my nonD32 to consider and she is already about to break, struggling to cope at work and with life in general. There are also my uBPDS's two children to consider -my grandchildren. Where will they get stability or 'normality' if I am not here?

I think you are right, I should start my own post so as not to hijack someone else's.

Thanks

D

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Winifred]

Our daughter has been lying and stealing since the BPD emerged at age 13. She's now 32. Here's how we have learned to handle it. We NEVER give her money and we put loose change and our wallets away when she is with us. We learned to believe counselors, teachers, and the police over her. We try never to accept anything she tells us at face value. We listen, but don't believe. We don't necessarily confront her (which may be our mistake), but we don't act on everything she tells us either. My advice to you, since you are lucky enough to have an early diagnosis, is to verify, verify, verify and then check, check, check. She will tell you what she thinks you want to hear. Verifying and checking everything is a terrible way to live, but for safety and relative peace of mind (as much as that's possible), it's the only way.

[lovesjazz]

Thank you for your suggestions. We believe nothing he tells us. Some of the things he says are really "out there". No sense asking any questions because he will just lie. So most of our conversations are more listening to him. We are fotunate enough that he lives 1000 miles away.

[vivekananda]

That's when we work on radical acceptance and our own 'mental health', isn't it? Those of us with older children who are distant from us I believe can benefit from mindfulness practice and a plan as a way to live with our grief and sadness. Somewhere else I suggested that mindfulness consisted of: acceptance, detachment (ie letting go of ego) and being open to the universe - being in the present and in touch with ourselves. 

For the likes of you and me lovesjazz, I think that therein lies our peace of mind.

Does that make sense? I hope so 'cos that's where I am directing my energy 

Vivek      

[lovesjazz]

Viv,

I totally agree. I am slowly getting to the point where I can  experience mindfulness. Part of me still has hope, but the reality is that he seems to be getting worse instead of better. We live miles apart, but he is always on my mind. 

[gettingthru]

As I'm reading this tears are streaming down my face.  This is my 14 yo DD.  She lies about everything.  She opens her mouth and I never believe it.  She has told people I beat her (resulting in Child Protective Services showing up at my home), she has told people that her father shot her horse (she's never had a horse)  She's lied about doing drugs, not doing drugs.  Even when I ask her directly, "are you sure that's what really happened"  She will continue to lie about it, even when she knows I'm going to find out the truth. This is the first time that I haven't felt alone.

[FaithfulHope]

Gettingthru,

The same thing happened to me when I found this site.  I sat for two days reading and crying.   I finally found people who understand our struggle.  I have a ddBPD21 and lying is her 'thing'.  I first 'noticed' her blatant lies at age 8 but I truly think she has been lying since she could talk.   I kept looking for other parents with the same challenge and books on this but always found nothing.   I felt totally alone in trying to figure out this problem and fix it.   

Welcome to the site - I am fairly new myself but have found incredible support here.

 

[FaithfulHope]

Gettingthru, one more thing that just popped into my head... .

At about 14 my dd once said to me in a therapists office... .    "So what, I only lie to you about school.  I don't lie to you about boys or drugs, etc... . "

Come to find out she was.  She lies about EVERYTHING.   My husband and I have often said that it would be so much less effort and easier just to tell the truth. 

Again, welcome.

[vivekananda]

Hi getting thru 

It's good to see you on the boards.   I am glad you have found us. this site has been the best support and guidance for me, I am sure it will be the same for you too. There are wonderful parents here who understand how it feels.

Why don't you start your own thread and introduce yourself to us - it doesn't have to be long, just a bit about your situation and what concerns you may have at the moment.

cheers,

Vivek