How Much Is Too Much?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Has anyone here had a complete emotional break down as a result of the back and forth? The trauma I feel rivals that of my childhood abuse.

I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15 and went through very intense counseling and recovery.  Somehow I don't remember feeling THIS bad back then.  I am certain I had a breakdown this weekend.  The last one I pulled out of within a couple of weeks - though I am not sure sure this time.  I am doing my best here to keep pulling good files in the old brain here... . I just think my chemistry is off kilter.

[bauers220]

Has anyone here had a complete emotional break down as a result of the back and forth? The trauma I feel rivals that of my childhood abuse.

I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15 and went through very intense counseling and recovery.  Somehow I don't remember feeling THIS bad back then.  I am certain I had a breakdown this weekend.  The last one I pulled out of within a couple of weeks - though I am not sure sure this time.  I am doing my best here to keep pulling good files in the old brain here... . I just think my chemistry is off kilter.

[simplyasiam]

yes i have had a break down from the r/s and the loss of the r/s this summer/ in the 1st three months i let my life go to hell. i let the bills fall behind i mashed and burned all the things she left behind. i closed myself off from the world.

the next two months i stayed at the bottom didnt try to get up. found myself walking around in my yard at nite crying and praying. i missed worked stoped caring about life. lost 70lbs in 3 months. drank to much got so drunk i burnt my bible and any book i had left that had to do with faith then ran over them with a mower... . yeah ive had a break down myself.

only in this 6th month, that is my 6th month i now know she had found him around the 1st of the year. have i started to try again try to live try to stop talking and giving into her. she is sick dosent want help and i cant help. she always told me... . you cant fix me, i wasnt trying to fix her just loved her and want life to be normal.

like many here was scared when she seemed to be over this illness seemed so happy with the new guy. i know most everything that gone on in her life in the time we have been apart 1st hand from her and 2nd hand becouse im close with alot of her family and her brother works for me.

i know the good times have pasted with new r/s hell she left him two time and came home the 2nd mouth. her mom told me many time shes talking bad about him say all the thing she said about me at the end... .

i see now its not about its about this illness.

maybe this is what they mean by ... . coming out of the fog!

ive told her to stop contacting me and go away again and again this time i feel strong she is in trouble this time shes lost/lossing me for good. just like she could run from herself i cant run from me... . sooner or latter the real paerson shows up im not her yet but im on my way!

when i frist came here i would read about ppl being at the 6 and 8 month point, i would feel sick thinking omg i dont want be dealing with is that long. well here i am and im a better person for it. im trying again looking forward to things again i cant see the end of this yet but i know its out there.

iv

[bauers220]

I need to come out of the FOG... . I am in serious trouble if I don't.  I have an appointment Tuesday with a new Therapist - I am praying this helps.  I have children who need me - and a husband who loves me.

I still think I'm going to eventually hear from her.  She never lets anyone go that means something to her - even when she thinks they have done her wrong - she will give them an "in" at some point.  She had her ex husband on her FB a few times.  Her reasoning is there is always some good in people and she can't spend her life hating... . but then you will notice she will cut them out yet again.  So who knows.

I know she loved me - to the best she could.  She's ill.  This relationship did serve her more than it did me - that is for sure.  I have a long habit of being the emotional rock for people.  I'm the one people come to - hence my career.  But like anyone who helps others - my own life is a mess. 

Add to the long list of "wrongs" in this relationship with her - it was also an "affair"... . and then add the fact that I continued to allow this to go on this long.  That I think is the worst of it - for me.  I allowed it - I set myself in the path of this over and over.  I've known of her illness for over a year now.  The first time someone suggested it was during a psychic reading last July.  Then another psychic in December said it too - seeing his mom in the situation - and he suggested some books.  I read them.  But I kept going back - questioning her illness (denial) and putting a spin on it - a spiritual spin.  That spiritual belief is what kept me in all this year.  Now everything is in question.  How do those who advise me not see her illness? 

Thanks for listening and thanks for the input.  At least in this we are not alone.