He may actually be leaving me in 3 days

[pecia]

Well, as you all know – my udBPDh has been threatening to leave me for some time now. I guess I figured he was probably just bluffing. He never really made any real motions towards moving out. He would talk trash while we were away from each other during the work week, then when we were off he would have great sex with me and seem somewhat normal. Altogether confusing. Constant push pull. He wouldn’t really discuss anything with me in person so I had started writing a journal on my computer – knowing that he would snoop and read it (even though he denies the snooping – I can see it in my computer history). I used it as an opportunity to try out some validation. I attempted to reinforce the fact that I love him and want to work on the relationship, as well as owning my part in the infidelity chaos. I also attempted to validate myself. I stated that I forgive myself and him. I had written that in the event that he left me – that I knew I could take care of the home, animals, all the responsibilities – but that I would like for him to stay and work on the relationship. I also used it as a forum to reiterate my boundaries. These boundaries were – if he sleeps with another woman again that I will leave the relationship, if he is living here that he will contribute to half of the financial responsibility, and that I will not give him any information that he refuses to give me (I don’t have passwords to any accounts or access to his phone, he also comes and goes as he pleases and never tells me where he is or when he is coming home). I reiterated that if this was what is considered acceptable to him – that I will not provide him with any info either. I changed all my passwords and made plans to attend a costume party for Halloween with my co-workers (in the past he freaks out when I am social). I invited him but he declined. Yesterday – he informs me that all my little “notes” on my computer just verified for him that I do not feel bad for what I did (emotional infidelity) and that I said things to him that were too hurtful to forgive. That I am just fine with him leaving and talk about how I will be ok without him. Any hint of me regaining any form of self-esteem sets him off. He says he signed a lease on an apartment and is moving out this Sunday. He did admit to being scared to move out since we have been together since we were teenagers. He says I enjoyed hurting him and feel no remorse or guilt. Earlier in the day he said I needed to be forced down the difficult path to see that I love him. I can’t help but feel like he is punishing me for hurting him. He does express that he may not be able to live without me but that I wanted to try out other men and now I have the chance. It feels like a test. Probably one I cannot pass. I love him. I am willing to do the work but I can’t make him do it for himself. I have avoided responding angrily to him – but it seems that when I respond calmly he twists it into me not caring. I just don’t know what to do. Feels like a bad dream.

[Surnia]

Hi pecia

and a

Yes sometimes we feel that we can only loose. And I can relate with the feeling of being in a test... .

Different optics: While you are writing your notes to let him also know some positive things he sees only the things that are negative for him... .boundaries and going out with co-workers is a huge trigger for him.

What you can do: Taking deep deep breaths. You will see in 3 days if he is serious with his words or not.

If not: Perhaps its time to ask yourself about your choices?

And the halloween thing with your friens: Good to do it!