For various reasons I wish I had sold our house after my separation and divorce. We had been in it only about 3 years before the marriage imploded. But it was 'easier' to passively keep it, pay her the marital equity through a refinance and equity loan. Now I'm fully leveraged on the house with little financial wiggle room but to move now would be a proactive task, difficult to do right now.
Setting aside the
Karpman Triangle, selling the house is probably a good idea, especially if the memories would impose too much of an emotional toll or if it would be a financial burden... .but... .I would not do it so he could get a cottage.
No, I would suggest you get legal advice from a family law attorney. Find out what your legal exposure is. Likely you would have to split assets and debts, often half and half. If your income or retirement framework is substantially higher than his, you may have a risk, if it were to be a judge deciding and not a mutual settlement, of paying alimony for a few years or longer. First get a grasp on what that would mean to you in your state and local area. Then determine whether it is feasible to settle in a legally binding way, for example, for him to take half
of the profit from the sale of the house, not selling price, and walk away.
A lot depends on your state and its laws, value of assets, value of debts, your relative incomes, etc. It would be good for you to get a few inexpensive
confidential legal consultations about your situation and strategy options before even considering making a deal with him. I emphasized confidential since you have a right to privacy, keep some things private and not having to divulge everything.
For one, therapy is good. Two, so is your local support from trusted friends and family. Three, helpful and resourceful peer support such as here. Think of it as a three-legged stool, strong enough to be stable support but simple enough to keep things simple.
