Need some advice..I think I'm leave today

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Like eeyore said alone if need be.  She's important too.  It's not too much to do this... .but if you keep capitulating to the unreasonable demands of your wife its sets a standard.  It tells her all I need to do is sleep deprive, emotionally harangue, tantrum or emotionally terrorize him until I get my way.

A very powerful thought, and I thought I never came close to having.  No wonder why they "harangue" for hours and hours ... .very commonly seems to be at night too.  BP can accomplish all 4 of those tactics at once.  It's actually pretty horrifying to think that the manipulations skills are that advanced.

I used to feel anxious just before she came home from work. Now its worse and all I am doing is dreading getting out of work. Granted I have almost 3 hours after work before she gets home. every second that ticks closer I feel sicker.

I know this all makes me sound like a complete loser. I can't afford another sleepless night.

I very much identify with this statement. I get the same anxiety. I end up not getting anything done that I need to because I just want to enjoy a couple hours to myself.

Ditto.  I hate leaving work knowing what I am probably going to be doing later that evening.  This doesn't make you sounds like a loser.  This makes you sounds like a very emotionally and physically exhausted human that has reached his peak of ability to deal with his situation. 

[adizziedoll]

Like eeyore said alone if need be.  She's important too.  It's not too much to do this... .but if you keep capitulating to the unreasonable demands of your wife its sets a standard.  It tells her all I need to do is sleep deprive, emotionally harangue, tantrum or emotionally terrorize him until I get my way.

A very powerful thought, and I thought I never came close to having.  No wonder why they "harangue" for hours and hours ... .very commonly seems to be at night too.  BP can accomplish all 4 of those tactics at once.  It's actually pretty horrifying to think that the manipulations skills are that advanced.

I used to feel anxious just before she came home from work. Now its worse and all I am doing is dreading getting out of work. Granted I have almost 3 hours after work before she gets home. every second that ticks closer I feel sicker.

I know this all makes me sound like a complete loser. I can't afford another sleepless night.

I very much identify with this statement. I get the same anxiety. I end up not getting anything done that I need to because I just want to enjoy a couple hours to myself.

Ditto.  I hate leaving work knowing what I am probably going to be doing later that evening.  This doesn't make you sounds like a loser.  This makes you sounds like a very emotionally and physically exhausted human that has reached his peak of ability to deal with his situation. 

[eeyore]

I actually purchased my own place a year and a half ago.  So that I would never ever have to feel like I didn't have a place to go when I needed.   It's been the BEST thing that I did for myself.  It's given me so much of my own self back.  I can decorate it how I want, keep it clean or messy, have friends over, etc.  It's my slice of heaven.  Nothing fancy very simple and feels so much more wonderful than the million dollar mansion where I get "harangued" for hours.  I like that term.   

[Cipher13]

Lastnight... .I slept.  I feel better today. She wanted to stay up a little longer but when she saw I was falling asleep standing up there wasn't much else that she could do.

So its 2 days later and I have not left. I can and will probably still end up but for now I am seeing how this can go. She is doing much better. There was 1 point where it could have gone like it has before whenthere was over an hour inbwteen text messages yesterday and she said "I havn't heard from you in a while"... .usually thats the first words to a arguemnt about to take place. It didn't. 

I'm ready though I am replenished and I wonder if she recharges also if that means she will stay being ok or if it means the next big thing is around the bend.  It just may be when I tell her work is sending me on another business trip and this time she wont be able to go. If I handle bringing it up in the best possible way then she has to accept it. If she has a fit then maybe oops the plane that returns me home accidently when to the state of our ther office.

[Aussie0zborn]

... .I wonder if she recharges also if that means she will stay being ok or if it means the next big thing is around the bend.

You stood up for yourself so I would think she is holding back to see where this is going but at the same time she is ready to pounce. You see, she knows your weak spots and she knows your newly found strength doesn't last for too long so you have only given her a minor setback. You are in the "sitting duck" position now.

The next big thing is ALWAYS just around the bend. You know that. Again, apologies for sounding harsh but... .please don't kid yourself as you will only weaken further. You need strength my friend. Good to hear you're sleeping and eating.  That's a good start.

[Surnia]

Hi cipher

good to hear you got some sleep! 

I hope it will last not only one night... .

[Cipher13]

Surnia

Yes well needed sleep. I t was most appricaited. Could use more but I'll take the 7 hours. Hope more to follow.

You are in the "sitting duck" position now.

LOL but perhaps you are right. But I am not exactly the same person I was even a few days ago. 

Again, apologies for sounding harsh but... .please don't kid yourself as you will only weaken further. You need strength my friend

I appricate you giving me you un polished advice. It helps more than you know. Thanks. I will keep in mind this is more than liekly temporary. I nthat case I will use thsi time to contiue to refresh myself. Again thanks. I have things to bring up to her that she won't like but since we all have to work for a living and its job related to bad. Plus I am lookig forward to being able to have a week part even if its will be work.

Oh forgot my phone at home this am. Its the device she uses to keep tabs on me. Its got to be eating at her that I don't have it on me. I am enjoying the freedom. That thing raises my blood pressue just having it on me.

[Surnia]

Oh forgot my phone at home this am. Its the device she uses to keep tabs on me. Its got to be eating at her that I don't have it on me. I am enjoying the freedom. That thing raises my blood pressue just having it on me.

Wow, great! A night with sleep and a day without phone. 

[Cipher13]

Mentally I still might be off. I am finding I am making a few mistakes in my job I normally don't. Nothing major just those simple "oops why did I do that?"

My mind is still not disengaged from the situation enough at work to do my job accurately. Plus now I am finding out I will be taking on a few more tasks to help out as the company continues to grow. Not complaing about that 1 bit. Just mently need to get back to the groove.

[GreenMango]

Cipher I found that when my attention wasn't fully fixed on the person - like when life happens ie job, family, friends etc - it had a tendency for the other person to feel abandoned.  Not just neglected and the way the person coped was thru acting up.

It sounds like you might need to have a set or dearman conversation about these new job expectations and how you need support to function.

It's okay to ask for what you need.  Sometimes its in the delivery.

Ps how's your mom?

[Cipher13]

It's okay to ask for what you need.  Sometimes its in the delivery.

Ps how's your mom?

I agree. Weekend is coming up and I will have more info of what new tasks and trainign are coming my way. I feel that if I am open (I always have feared ever bringing anything up in conversation) and explain things evenly,clearly, and in a way that is not in the least bit "mean" then thats all I can do. If she chooses to have a big deal then I'll have to just let her and do my best not to engage it.

I'm still waiting for the next time things gets bad and she wants me to "leave". 2 days in a row of good nice times. Even when my phone wasn't with me... .by the way that was a small slice of heaven

My Mom is doing well. I will send her some Birthday wishes today.  Thank sot everyone for the support and encouragement. When I can I return the favor and help in everyway I can its the best way to say thank you in here I feel.