Fleeting Moments of Insight

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

They occur from time to time and, not that they really help with anything but seeing how she thinks, I still like to post about them because just typing them out help me to understand.

Anyway, last night were were having one of our ongoing talks with me saying that I just want to try to fix things and her saying it is too late.  I told her that, if I could go back to when we first met, I would try to make sure that she did not fall for me, since I have made her so unhappy.  She replied, "I wish I could just go back and not have any of the men I've had relationships with in my life."  I told her that that was not the way I feel at all.  I am happy that she came into my life, regardless of how this may end.  I am also happy for other relationships I have had, because the sum total of my experiences is what make me who I am.  All I got from her upon stating this was a complete blank look.

That is it in a nutshell... .

Me:  I realize the good and bad that I bring to relationships and know that even in failed ones, it was not totally anyone's fault.  I know that life is a summary of good and bad, and that everything adds up to make a person who they are.

Her:  Every failed relationship was because it was with the wrong person.  If she could just have the right person, things would be fine.  She has absolutely no culpability in any of the failures.   

[downandin]

They occur from time to time and, not that they really help with anything but seeing how she thinks, I still like to post about them because just typing them out help me to understand.

Anyway, last night were were having one of our ongoing talks with me saying that I just want to try to fix things and her saying it is too late.  I told her that, if I could go back to when we first met, I would try to make sure that she did not fall for me, since I have made her so unhappy.  She replied, "I wish I could just go back and not have any of the men I've had relationships with in my life."  I told her that that was not the way I feel at all.  I am happy that she came into my life, regardless of how this may end.  I am also happy for other relationships I have had, because the sum total of my experiences is what make me who I am.  All I got from her upon stating this was a complete blank look.

That is it in a nutshell... .

Me:  I realize the good and bad that I bring to relationships and know that even in failed ones, it was not totally anyone's fault.  I know that life is a summary of good and bad, and that everything adds up to make a person who they are.

Her:  Every failed relationship was because it was with the wrong person.  If she could just have the right person, things would be fine.  She has absolutely no culpability in any of the failures.   

[wishfulthinking]

Very insightful.  I often wonder what goes through my uBPDh's head.  When I try to see things how he sees them, I am amazed at how one sided everything is. 

Today, I get his "venting" phone call from work.  A job he's held off on and held off on went ahead and did the work themselves instead of waiting longer on him.  He is "hurt" by the fact they did that and didn't let him finish his own work and made what he had done look bad.  Nevermind the fact that it's been a month since he left them hanging to do a different job and he's taking his time and leaves the jobs multiple times a day to do who knows what and some days doesn't even go to work.  No excuses why both jobs shouldn't be done, actually.

Anyway... .no responsibility from his side at ALL... .it's only what people do to THEM... .sigh... .I'm with ya'.