Overwhelmed Twelve year old daughter

[lastleg2]

Lots has gone on with our daughter for at least three years now.  That is just about how long she has been in therapy.  Started out in third grade with a loss of a very close cousin, a young man.  That was followed by a few years of bullying, that the school did not get a handle on.  Our daughter was doing some of the bullying, but never admitted to it.  We continually came to her rescue, thinking it was everyone but her.  Finally changed schools, thinking that would help.

Fast forward to now.  Still in therapy, anxious, threatening self-harm (scratches herself), explosive mood swings, blames everyone else for what has happened.  Takes no responsibility for her actions.  Severely depressed, and now OCD.  So, they started her on meds.  Seemed to mellow thing out for a period of time. Now, school is back in session, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts... .Shut down communication, lashes out horribly at family.  No peace or joy in our household.

Yesterday at her med check, doctor suggested "Stop walking on Eggshells."  Ordered the book, found the website, looking for help, support.  Is this a phase?  Will it ever end?  In constant prayer for her.  Want nothing more than to have a happy daughter and family.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hello lastleg2 

The situation you've described is difficult to deal with indeed so I definitely understand why you might feel like you're on your last legs. You say your daugther is still in therapy and started meds. Has the therapy improved her behavior in any way? It seems like school is a real trigger for her. Your daughther is still very young, but if turns out to be BPD it unfortunately won't go away. But things can get better though, a lot of it depends on her. Unless she recognizes there is something wrong with her and tries to work on herself, it probably will be difficult to change her behavior. Do you feel like her therapist/doctor are getting through to her at all?

[lbjnltx]

Hello lastleg,

So very glad that you are here and looking for some answers to your questions.  It is difficult to know the answer to your question.  The most definitive diagnoses at age 12 therapists usually give is "emerging BPD".  My daughter, now almost 17, was diagnosed with "emerging BPD" at age 12.  Getting that diagnoses so early in her life was essential to the significant improvements I made and she made herself.

Here is some information to help you learn more about BPD in Adolescents.

Video:  https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2013/05/bpdfamily.html

Assessment of BPD in Adolescents

We are here to help you on this difficult journey lastleg.  There is much to learn that will help you and your family.

lbjnltx

[Hopefully]

Hey lastleg,

My step daughter has those same symptoms as you have described (cutting herself, depression, anxiety, not being very nice to her younger sister, getting bullied) The bullying happened when she was living with her mom in a difference province not so much since she has lived with us ... .We believe that her mom has BPD (undiagnosed) ... her mom was abusive towards her and that is why she is living with us now, although she misses her friends back at her moms.

We have her in therapy and that seemed to be going good until her mom has giving her empty promises again and wants her to come back to live with her ... .

Its very frustrating as like I said we live in a different province then her mom, so we sent her back and the abuse starts again cause nothing has changed cause mom doesn't realize that she needs help therefore hasn't gotten any and it start all over again, she runs away cause mom is abusing her and we get a text or call ... .we cant be doing this as it is hard on our family here and my step daughter cant be crying wolf every time ... .We have gotten her therapy, she loves art so we have put her in extra art classes and got her in with a youth group (trying to make a better ,happier life for her) ... .We don't now what to do anymore and are lost ... .

[mary93]

Hi lastleg. I bought the stop walking on eggshells book and it is great (it was recommended by a therapist whose mom also had BPD) I absolutely love this book and it was a major help to me as I started to understand what was going on, as before I was in total shock. They also have the workbook that goes with the book. I didn't buy it yet as out of communication with my adult daughter, so I will buy it later. There's also another book out there by Valerie Porr that was recommended to me by a top psychiatrist here, whom I know through his wife, who specializes in BPD and gives talks/speeches all over the world, he says it is an excellent book. It is available online through amazon or depending where you live perhaps in a bookstore.

[BioAdoptMom3]

I can relate!  Our 14 y/o DD has BPD traits and we started to notice something was very wrong when she was not quite 12. 

Which meds is your DD on if you don't mind my asking?  Our DD was placed on Prozac first and it did seem to help, but not as much as everyone would have liked.  Her psychiatrist added Abilify and it made all the dfference!  I would ask the doctor about the possibility of a mood stabilizer, unless of course she is already on one.  Even if she is, maybe she needs a med change or a different dosage? 

I would also like to throw out some encouragement where school is concerned.  Our DD started HS this year and things have been so much better (we had similar problems with the exception that our DD wasn't doing the bullying)!  DD had to finish middle school - the most emotionally difficult years even for children without mental illness, online.  It about killed us all, including her, that she could no longer participate in chorus and band, but we had to do what we had to do.  Is that an option for your DD?

Please know that we are here for you with whatever support we can offer!