Is it me?

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi everyone!

Do any of you remember about a year ago when I was making "stupid clinician" threads?  Holy cow!  I can't believe I've been here over a year!  Well, for those of you who don't remember or weren't around back in the olden days... DD16 was in a rtf about 30 minutes from home.  I was up there quite often.  She was self harming and suicidal.  It was so scary all the time.  Well, her clinician kept wanting to send her home for visits.  I specifically remember one conversation about 2 days before Thanksgiving.  DD was restricted to the rtf for self harming and we were having a family session with her clinician.  DD said... I'm really glad I can't come home on Thanksgiving because I was planning on killing myself.  I said... That's great honey.  I'm so happy you want to stay safe.  We'll all come up here and bring lots of pie.  What kind of pie do you want? Clinician says... .So, is she going home for Thanksgiving?  Me... .

Anyway, now we have a new therapist.  She has been pretty good up to this point.  However, DD hasn't really shown herself to be so unsafe and unstable up to this point.  The therapist has been recommending staying away from hospitals.  I thought that sounded like a great plan, especially since I've read Valerie Porr's book and she feels the same way.  So even after DD was considering suicide, we ended up bringing her back home to do a "hospital at home".  It didn't work.  DD didn't want me to monitor her that closely.  She attacked me verbally and tried pushing every button I have.  It didn't create the type of healing environment I had imagined a hospital at home would have. 

I spoke with her therapist last week and told her how badly it had gone. I also said that I can't be both her support person and her jailer.  I had to choose a role and the supportive role was best. 

DD has been struggling all week with serious depression.  DH and I were planning on taking her to the hospital for evaluation today if she didn't pull out of it.  Well, thankfully, it seems she has so all is well here for the time being.  I spoke with her therapist today during session.  Therapist wasn't happy that we were going to take her to the hospital.  I told therapist that we really needed her to support what we decided was best in the situation.  She suggested instead of taking dd to hospital that I check in on her every 15 minutes.  I said that wasn't a plan I was comfortable with and that if I really felt she needed to be checked on every 15 minutes she needed to have more support than I could provide here at home.  Besides, honestly, I just don't have the stamina to climb the stairs every 15 minutes!  She said then we should have DD come downstairs every 15 minutes to report in.  Seriously?  Can any of you imagine trying to get your child BPD or Non to come down every 15 minutes?  How long would that last until it caused a blow up?

So, is it just me?  Are any of you having trouble finding therapists that don't live in the same reality you do?  Am I missing something and just being dense?

-crazed

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

So, is it just me?  Are any of you having trouble finding therapists that don't live in the same reality you do?  Am I missing something and just being dense?

Hmmmmm... .I don't think it's you 

I think that was a weird request for your daughter's therapist to make; it would drive you and your daughter crazy, crazedncrazymom    But, really; there must be some other solution to your daughter's depression and suicidal ideations. Does your daughter have a Psychiatrist? Psychotherapist? What sort of therapist is the one she is seeing now that has given you the orders to not go to the hospital and to check in on her every 15 minutes?

My dBPDson36 has had therapists in the past that I thought were not aware of his reality (actually since age 20 up to recently), but now he has an Outpatient Therapist for his past drug abuse; a Psychiatrist for his past depression & suicidal ideations, and his ADD; and his Neurofeedback Therapist for everything. They are a great team, and I fully realize how lucky he is now; they are all the reason he is doing so well.

Do you have any other options for your daughter? It just seems like this might not work forever for her... .I don't remember: is she on any meds for her depression? Can you get any referrals for her? Can the RTF give you any advice, since they know her? What about her Family Dr.? I think the right team can really make a difference... .Good luck, crazed!

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi rapt,

You are definitely right.  This cannot work for any length of time.  Not the trips to the hospital or running upstairs to check on her all the time.

Right now, DD has this therapist, a case manager who partners with the therapist.  She also has school based partial-hospitalization which includes another therapist and a psychiatrist who doesn't believe in medication and would like to see DD back in rtf.  I know what you're thinking here... .why is this man in the field he's in?  I know that because I asked him the same question.  I didn't get an answer either.   

I have just gotten permission from the insurance company to find a psychiatrist who DOES believe in medication and is more interested in seeing DD stable at home.  I'm off work today, so that is what I'm going to work on today.

She is on Tenex .5 mg twice daily for PTSD and impulse control.  She's been on a whole list of medications that haven't worked for her and most (well 2 + the one who doesn't believe in medication) just shrug when they see it, so I'm not sure we'll be able to help her with medication.  I've been wanting to try neuro-feedback but we are struggling a bit financially and the only place that does it around here doesn't accept insurance.

-crazed

[Rapt Reader]

I've been wanting to try neuro-feedback but we are struggling a bit financially and the only place that does it around here doesn't accept insurance.

Hey, Crazed... .

I know what you mean about the Neurofeedback Therapy; my son's NF Therapist also doesn't take insurance, and I haven't found any that do. Actually, I don't believe that it's up to the NF Ts; the insurance company/ies don't want to pay for it since it's a bit of an outlier therapy at this time. Research has been ongoing, and even being funded by the Federal Government, but it's still in the early stages.

So, though my son is lucky enough to have this therapy (ongoing since April 18th, 2013) and it is helping him immensely, we have to pay for it and it's not cheap, though we do get a discount by paying for multiple sessions at a time. I so wish there was a way for you to secure this for your daughter... .

I hope you will be able to find another Psychiatrist (and it's good your insurance company will let this happen) for your daughter; whether he/she will be able to find a medication that would work for her, maybe a bit of a shake-up in the team of professionals working with her will make things better. My son (who is also dxed with ADD, Depression, Social Anxiety and hyperactive thyroid besides the BPD) is also on Tenex (.5 mg once/day) and finds it very helpful. But, he also takes Pristiq and Modafinil (Provigil), and the three seem to be a good combo for now.

Keep trying to find the help your DD16 needs; if we as the parents aren't vigilant and in our child's corner, who will be? I can't tell you how many years I fought for the right type of help for my son, and how many years were lost because no one knew what his problems really stemmed from. You are so very lucky that she's been diagnosed at such a young age; now you just need to find the right team to work with her. Don't give up! 

[jellibeans]

Hey crazed

I am always amazed at how similar our lives are with our dd.

I was also told to stop taking my dd to the hospital but she continued to have overdose after overdose. After two in the same weekend we had to have her admitted to a RTC. That seemed to break the cycle for her SI but like many pwBPD they find other poor coping skills to replace the others and seem to cycle through these behaviors.

I do think it is hard to find a good therapist. Although my daughter likes her present therapist I have some doubts about her. I think it is common for these therapist to burn out. Their role is somewhat demanding and ultimately I think they get discouraged and can't seem to deal with what they perceive as failure when their clients don't get better.

I too wonder about the meds. It seems we are constantly told there are no meds to help with this disorder but I wonder too if there is some magic pill out there. I think what we need to try and do is work on tolerating their behavior to a certain degree as they work through these hard times but that is easier said than done.

What is your plan going forward? Has your dd regained some control? is she SI? My thought s are with you. 

[crazedncrazymom]

DD is very quiet tonight.  She decided to drop a friend and that has always been a huge trigger for her. 

Going forward... .I dunno.  The therapist is coming tonight and I plan on talking with her about supporting my decisions on when to take dd to hospital and explaining that this is a home not a hospital in a home.  Hopefully I can get that back on track.

With dd I'm just going to keep trying to get her to talk.  Keep validating and hope we get through this rough patch.  Honestly it would be so much easier if it was all on me and I didn't have to wait for her to be ready to do what needs to be done. 

-crazed