Does anyone here (fathers, specifically) have any experience on how a uBPD afflicted affects your children?
We have S3, D1. My X is still in my house... .still conducting some kind of emotional affair, where there was some physicality a few months ago. Whether or not that is still going on is irrelevant. I am trying to as gently, but firmly as possible get her the heck out of our home. But that is another issue.
She is high-functioning, even admits that she is [mentally] "sick" in addition to her officially diagnosed depression. She has, however, left me to "medicate" going to do whatever she is going to do. I think the fact that I am stable and responsible justifies her being basically like a "teen mom" in my opinion.
I've already noticed some episodes of the devaluation of our S3. She loves him to death, of course, but at least half the time doesn't deal well with his tantrums (she's like him, in that regard!). The last month, she threw out the f-bomb at him. I stopped her one of those times and sent her to her room (literally, yes, I did that). I think her level of stress being on her own for the first time in 6 years, and living by herself (when she doesn't have the kids) for the first time in over a decade will trigger something bad. I think a major depressive episode. But that won't be my problem unless the kids are there.
In the past year, before she "left" me, I noticed a few instances of her devaluing S3 and elevating D1. This makes sense due to her underlying mistrust of men... .how they've all "Failed" her (me, her father, some of her brothers, some past boyfriends, men in general, Y).
The good thing is that the other night, after I caught her "boyfriend" calling, she went into guilt and crying mode. I stated some of my concerns about her behavior. She weakly tried to project some it back onto me, but pointed out the F-word incidents and she felt guilty, Asked me to stop her if I saw her doing that to our kids. Good. For now... .
My own experience growing up with an undiagnosed severely depressed mother with some BPD traits (I have realized in retrospect these past few months), concerns me as I know what the black/white idealization/devaluation feels like and it isn't good. I had some Schizoid tendencies for a number of years, but everyone that's known me for any long time thinks I'm one of the most well adjusted persons they've ever met. So I escaped the "curse... ."
My overall question is how damaging is this to the kids, assuming a rough 50/50 split, no pun intended, of custody? And how hard it is to "deprogram" possible damage done by our xSOs? My experience was that it got worse the older and more independent (i.e., a "real" person, rather than a need attachment object) I got. But I also know how much more significant disordered attachments can be to small children. My X is a prime example... .as it is with most of our Xes. Thanks for any insight so I can prepare and educate myself.
"Children of Mothers with BPD" 
