Confused - Social Media as a Detachment Tool?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I'm confused.

I do not want my ex as a friend.  She lied to me, hit me, was completely disrespectful of my boundaries, etc etc.

I do not want my ex as a lover.  I am choosy about my partners, and apparently she is not.

I do not want to talk to her.  I've been through enough that I know its all about her and manipulation.

I was very hurt looking at her social media when we were together / breaking up.

Part of me wants to look at it now, to prove myself right, that she lied, cheated (replaced me), and is not someone i want in my life, now or ever.

I've abstained for almost two months, with only one slip (accidentally clicked a link from one of my friends to her picture - truly didnt know it was her).

The other part of me thinks I am doing this to shame myself. To hurt myself further.

What are your experiences with viewing social media?

[PhoenixRising15]

I'm confused.

I do not want my ex as a friend.  She lied to me, hit me, was completely disrespectful of my boundaries, etc etc.

I do not want my ex as a lover.  I am choosy about my partners, and apparently she is not.

I do not want to talk to her.  I've been through enough that I know its all about her and manipulation.

I was very hurt looking at her social media when we were together / breaking up.

Part of me wants to look at it now, to prove myself right, that she lied, cheated (replaced me), and is not someone i want in my life, now or ever.

I've abstained for almost two months, with only one slip (accidentally clicked a link from one of my friends to her picture - truly didnt know it was her).

The other part of me thinks I am doing this to shame myself. To hurt myself further.

What are your experiences with viewing social media?

[Clearmind]

QF - I blocked my ex from the start.

1) I didn't want to know what he was doing

2) I needed to figure out that what I witnessed was real and this behaviour and lack of respect towards me will happen with anyone.

3) Its about self trust and not self blaming for what happened - ask yourself why do you need validation that your ex is who you think them to be via social media rather than real life and what you experienced. Blocking social media is one step out of fantasy land.

The problem with social media is that it lulls us into a false sense of security. We believe what we see and read - however - FB is a media which can be twisted and turned inside out to suit the poster. It happens here - it can happen in real life - there is no difference.

[Ironmanrises]

Question... .

I can understand why you want to look... .

You want validation.

I get that.

But you may/will... .

See things you do not want to see.

Are you prepared for that... .?

For me... .

After viewing my exUBPDGf's social media Facebook/Instagram/Twitter... .

For 3 months of Devaluation in round 2... .

Where i saw her jabs at me... .

Where i saw her attention shift to everyone else... .

To protect myself from further harm... .

That would only hurt me... .

I closed all my social media.

It doesn't cure me of my hurt... .

This I know.

I have loads to fix of myself... .

But not viewing... .

Not having the temptation to view... .

Any of her stuff on social media... .

Lessens the hurt on me.

Have I had the desire to reopen my social media and peek... .?

Sure.

Many times.

But i know the amount of hurt that would follow... .

If I did that.

I saw enough in devaluation... .

That hurt me enough as is.

That suppresses the urge for me.

Hang in there brother.

[PhoenixRising15]

I know its all fantasy land.  I understand that.

For me I want to see that nothing has changed, that the jabs actually are there.

Perhaps its masochistic, but its almost as if seeing that would let me say, "Yep, still the same ol' crazy."

But, on the other hand, I could just as easily see her faking being healthy, which is what she claimed she wanted.