Deciding where to bring his Christmas Gift.

[angeldust1]

Well I have bought my pwBPD40 a present,  a monogramed throw for his bed or couch.  It is so beautiful and beautifully wrapped.  I know he will not be coming here for Christmas,  so my husband thought we should  bring it his fathers house,  where he will most likely be. That will let his father know a little more about how he treats me,  and he will have to open it there with everyone present.  However his father is also BPD and I believe Bi-Polar.  If I bring it on Christmas Eve which be the only day I can get it there,  he(my son)  may even be there. 

Just not sure if  this is the right thing to do?   I hate leaving at his door( at my sons house)  because he has a fenced in back yard and no way for me to leave it behind the house.

And... .what if he is there when I bring it to his dads do I go in and give it to him myself,  since I have not seen him in over 2 years? 

My ex and I have a half way decent  relationship now, it has been over 20 yrs.  Actually we try to out-nice each other when we are together,   but... .he is BPD,  and his moods change too,  like the wind.  I don't know if this will back fire on me,  or just what to do? 

This is so mind boggling to me,  I just never thought I'd be living like this.  But then again... .who does?  Right!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Angeldust,

That is such a tough call.  You sound like you might be interested in seeing your son and hopefully restarting the relationship.  Christmas is a time for forgiveness.  That's why I love this time of year so much.  It is such a personal decision because you never know how it will work out.  Me? I'd jump right in and see what happens, but I'm a big fan of leaping before I look.  A lot of times it works out and a lot of times it doesn't.  I think it would be a good idea to let your heart guide you to your decision. 

How would you handle a rejection if it worked out that way?  What will you say if you do see him?  Could you maybe have a simple validating statement in mind so that you are prepared regardless of how it works out?  It's so hard to know what to do because I know you've worked to leave the door open for him and he hasn't walked through.  Your son loves you.  All kids love their moms no matter what happens. 

I can't wait to hear what you decide!

-crazed

[qcarolr]

Since you have a better relationship with your ex, can you contact him and ask how he would feel if you dropped it off and what would be a good time? Maybe you have already done this.

As crazedncrazymom said - let your heart guide you and be accepting of whatever result comes.

qcr