high vs low functioning

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I would classify my dBPDgf as low-functioning.  She is currently unemployed, and from what she has told me she has never been able to hold down any job for more than a year.  She has had so many jobs in her life she can't even remember them all.

She had a job interview for a nanny position yesterday, that she says went okay.  Tomorrow she has another interview for a teaching job.  And she is freaking out (very anxious). 

I cannot relate here.  She's freaked out about having no income, she is stressed about being home all day and not having a schedule, stressed about the potential of me leaving her because she is not contributing to the household.  Yet, the thought of having a job (which would solve all those other anxieties) stresses her out more.

Also, my parents are coming over for dinner tonight.  She's worried about straightening up the house, cooking dinner, and just anxious.  I reminded her that she doesn't *have* to do any of those things, and neither me or my parents would care.  I called her from work and tried to calm her nerves.  But, it sounds to me again like she is anxious about all these things, yet can't seem to take the steps to relieve the anxiety, even by doing something simple like vacuuming the carpet in the bedrooms or starting a load of laundry.  That's what I do when I am anxious, find the smallest mindless task just to get started.

Is this typical with BPD?  If so - any tips on how to handle this?  It seems this could be a stumbling block moving forward in this relationship, and something I feel would need to improve.  It feels like this is just part of the self-destructive behavior: knowing what the potential consequences are, but being unable to take the steps to prevent those consequences.  Like raging at or manipulating someone in order to prevent that person from abandoning them. 

 

[maxsterling]

I would classify my dBPDgf as low-functioning.  She is currently unemployed, and from what she has told me she has never been able to hold down any job for more than a year.  She has had so many jobs in her life she can't even remember them all.

She had a job interview for a nanny position yesterday, that she says went okay.  Tomorrow she has another interview for a teaching job.  And she is freaking out (very anxious). 

I cannot relate here.  She's freaked out about having no income, she is stressed about being home all day and not having a schedule, stressed about the potential of me leaving her because she is not contributing to the household.  Yet, the thought of having a job (which would solve all those other anxieties) stresses her out more.

Also, my parents are coming over for dinner tonight.  She's worried about straightening up the house, cooking dinner, and just anxious.  I reminded her that she doesn't *have* to do any of those things, and neither me or my parents would care.  I called her from work and tried to calm her nerves.  But, it sounds to me again like she is anxious about all these things, yet can't seem to take the steps to relieve the anxiety, even by doing something simple like vacuuming the carpet in the bedrooms or starting a load of laundry.  That's what I do when I am anxious, find the smallest mindless task just to get started.

Is this typical with BPD?  If so - any tips on how to handle this?  It seems this could be a stumbling block moving forward in this relationship, and something I feel would need to improve.  It feels like this is just part of the self-destructive behavior: knowing what the potential consequences are, but being unable to take the steps to prevent those consequences.  Like raging at or manipulating someone in order to prevent that person from abandoning them. 

 

[Tincup]

My ex was high functioning, holds a teaching position and is very good at it.  But she is very anxious, and has some OCD tendencies as well.

The two things with mine that I always found interesting was she had a terrible problem with biting her nails (to the point that she would bleed at times). 

She also had a seemingly normal looking relationship with her kids (both out of college now).  Both kids call her EVERY day, and she still babies them like making dr appts for them etc.  She even told me how her youngest at 18 or 19 would rub her hair at night sometimes as she was falling asleep (he would lay in bed with her sometimes and talk at night).

[Cipher13]

Just currious about BPD and teachers. My wife is a teacher also. I would classify her as high functioning. She is a great teacher. Very pationate about it... .until it comes to a point where something isnt going the right way. Could be misbehaving student or other faculty not including her in something or administration saying somethig that she takes  the wrong way or doesn't like. If it doesn't fall into the preplanned agenda things start to fall apart. She is a science teacher and is a hands on laboratory type teacher. Lots and lots of experements. So spned shours and hours planning and preparing them and gathering everythign needed. And I help. She is not teaching right now. She is a director of a education center. Its sales focused and she hates it.  She taught for a couple hours yesterday. She said she had fun at work for once.

Thing is it only lasts for a short period then its not fun any more.

[Tincup]

I think the piece with teaching that my ex liked the most was the control she had in the classroom.  Control was very important to her.  Much like yours, she would get thrown off if something didn't go as planned.  Something I also found interesting, although it doesn't really have anything to do with her BPD, is that she always had a child or two in the class that she would have a personal vested interest in.  Meaning I heard about this child all the time, she would take pictures of the child, it was almost like it was her child. 

[Cipher13]

Never had that happen. The oposite once in a while... ."This kid is horrible. I 'm going to have problems with this kid, or my favoirte this kids parents are completel idiots." But yes the control now that you mention that is very important. Any outside force liek other teacher or principle that did anythign to change the precieve path of the class or course or even a lesson was evil and out to get her.

[maxsterling]

My previous girlfriend was also a teacher.  And she definitely had BPD behavior, but with a strong narcissist component.  My SIL was recently diagnosed BPD, and for awhile was going to be a teacher.  And I remember a guy I went to college with had a girlfriend (now wife) who was getting an education degree.  And looking back, she was clearly BPD.  And many of the teachers I have met over the course of my adult life seem to have mental health/depression, or substance abuse issues.

I also have many friends who are psychologists, and I suspect personality disorders in about half of them.  Kinda scary when a psychologist tells you that all psychologists got interested in the profession in order to diagnose themselves, and another psychologist tells you she has issues with raging and smashing up restaurants and her apartments.

[Tincup]

Oh I also heard about the terrible parents, and horrible kids too.  She would also have a child every so often that she was afraid of, and thought the child would hurt her.  She seemed so strong, and yet so weak almost at the same time.

[Proud_Dad]

My uBPDSO was a teacher at a middle school for a few years. She was responsible for the "special needs" children, not special education, but the kids that had devlopmental problems or came from problem homes/families (heavy drug use, abuse, neglect).

I never really made the connection before seeing this thread, but I guess it makes sence in some weird and effed up sort of way... .huh.

[Diana82]

This is really interesting...

My exBPD is a primary school teacher.

And she has a lot of child-like qualities. And I've read that BPDs have the emotional intelligence of a child. As well as the hyperactivity.

My ex said she could never work in an office because she " can't sit still for longer than ten minutes". She was very hyper even in the car!

Could if be, BPDs are drawn to teaching kids because they feel like kids? Or that they can relate to them?

Or... this may be digging deep... they want to control kids because they didn't have a good childhood themselves? They feel their childhood was out of control so they need to do control children as adults?