Anyone's child ever attend an alternative school?

[BioAdoptMom3]

DD wanted to leave her regular HS and go to a much smaller, alternative HS just for girls. DH and I toured it with her and liked what we saw and heard.  They work at their own levels and pace with guidance of a teacher for each subject, meet in group for one of their class periods each day and have bi-monthly individual counseling at the school. The only thing that concerns me is that these girls are ALL troubled in some way.  Should I be worried about that? There are rules for behavior, bullying and acceptance, but what about opportunities to connect with others who could lead them in the wrong direction?  I know that is possible anywhere, but it seems more likely in a school like this.  If your child attended something similar what was/is your experience?

Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[co.jo]

My daughter did, and I think her social anxiety was a bit of a positive, she was mostly too shy to associate with the other kids. She was not interested in drugs or alcohol, is extremely smart, and had more relationships with teachers than students. The teachers were awesome, so there was more acceptance for her differences, and she did really well there. For her last semester of school they transitioned her back to regular school because she couldn't get advanced courses at the alternate school and they helped make that work too. She ended up with several scholarships.

I think it would depend on the age, when she was a bit younger she went to an assessment centre where she bought into the whole "bad kid" thing, and adopted that persona. I wonder if that would have happened at the alternate school too when she was 15 and 16, She didn't go till 17 I think.

[Thursday]

Morning bioadoptmom-

Yes, my dBPDSD22 did go to an alternative school for two months during her junior year. This was leftover consequences from the last few days of her sophomore year when she handed out "energy pills" to several other students and confessed after someone convinced her that she could have a heart attack from taking the number of these pills that she took herself and she got scared and went to the school nurse who called 911. (How's that for some drama?)

We sent her to a wilderness therapy camp for the summer but when she got back into school she still had to go to the alternative school.

Here, the alternative schools are 100% for bad disciplinary problems. It was in our inner city, she had to take a long bus ride daily to get there, the kids were a lot rougher than the kids in our suburban neighborhood and she had to wear a uniform.

Up side- the course work was several grade levels below where she had been in our suburban school. (everyone should find this shocking I think) and since it was so easy, undemanding (no homework) she left that school having done some much needed repair to her grade point average. She might not have gotten her diploma if not for that school.

Another up-side is that she found out she wasn't so tough and hard as she thought. The kids she went to alternative school with let her know she was a silly little girl playing at being bad. They called her "Becky" (not her name and sort of a slur against what they saw her as, a fresh faced Daddy's girl with every privilege handed out to her). They did not befriend her, another plus, as she figured out how to cope with a school situation without it being social.

She got in trouble there for going along with the crowd too... . someone took a teacher's lunch out of a cabinet and passed around the potato chips and SD participated. Everyone who ate any part of the teacher's lunch was given an additional few weeks in the school. They didn't fool around with these kids. No infractions were glossed over. She also had to apologize to the teacher in front of her classroom.

It was a perfect example and booster of natural consequences. It also served to remind her of her mistakes to be there... . she did the entire wilderness camp experience knowing she wasn't coming home to her "normal life". Not only was she facing an unknown school (this really piqued her anxiety) but she also came home to a very tight behavioral contract that we worked up at the insistence of the therapeutic wilderness camp (SUWS of the Carolinas).

She eventually got back into her poor behavior at her regular school but this alt. school experience, so out of our control, so out of her control, slowed her down enough for her to be able to graduate.

What you are describing sounds like it could go poorly unless the discipline is really enforced. If your daughter has too much in common with the "bad girls" I would be apprehensive about what she might learn. Our situation "worked" because my SD was such a fish out of water and the "bad girls" at her alternative school were ready to give her a piece of their minds. She was seen as  entitled and they let their feelings about this be known... . in a way we never could.

thursday

[PaulaJeanne]

Hi bioadoptmom,

My BPDd 20 went to an alternative school in her last year of HS. Just like Thursday said, the work was easy, she was able to pass it without doing ANY work, & i don't think she would have graduated HS, or even attended, without it. That school made us attend a parent's group once a week, which was an eye-opener. Very troubled kids, but a lot of them had very loving, engaged, and tormented parents. The kids were terrible influences with each other, and the staff wasn't in enough control. My dd ended up running away with a boy in that group for a long, horrible, freezing cold weekend in which they slept in a drain pipe in some wooded area. I got to be very close with his mom during that time.

The fact that it's an all girl's program is a plus. It really depends on the staff. How do they control the girls? What is the level of parental involvement?

My daughter is a bright girl, but uneducated. She couldn't tell you what 15% of 100 is. But she has her regular HS diploma.

[crumblingdad]

My DD17 attended one as well.  She was placed there due to the anxiety of being in the mainstream high school. Your concerns are warranted.  She did do better due to the smaller groups and classes and the willingness to be more patient with her anxiety but the majority of peers were nothing but trouble.  She met a lot of additional bad influences.  Unfortunately we had very few options - she was flat refusing to attend school otherwise but all in all it didn't help.  She ended up dropping out altogether of alt school too and then finally took her GED while in the RTC she's in now.

[Tightrope walker]

My D (now 26) went to several schools. I really don't think she would have graduated from high school if she hadn't attended an alternative school.  She found that she was able to fit in more (since everyone was there for a problem) and the teachers were trained to handle the students. 

                                                                           Tightrope walker

[Kate4queen]

My son did his last year of HS in an alternative school that our district offered us. It meant he had a tutor and saw her once a week to get a lesson plan etc and then he came home and did the work, which to be honest, was way too easy for him.

It did mean, however that he graduated High School which was a worry and with a 3-5 GPA.

[BioAdoptMom3]

Thank you all so much for your comments, advice and wisdom in this situation!  DD has never been in trouble at school or anywhere in public actually  , just at home  !  DD's problems involve cutting, binging/purging, suicide ideation and inability to maintain relationships for very long in addition to some major social anxiety. I am still concerned about the influences of those who have been in trouble at school, with the law, etc., but today when we met the counselor we learned that she has bi-weekly meetings with her and DH and I will be meeting monthly to hear how she is progressing and to share our concerns.  We are hoping that won't be one of them!

Thanks again, so much  !

[singlemom]

I know I'm late, but I just saw this and thought I'd chime in.  My daughter attended an alternative school for her entire high school career.  Her school wasn't only for troubled kids -- I mean, there is another school for those who are actually expelled from their regular school.  But as it does attract those who don't "fit in" at their regular school, there were a lot of rebellious or drug addicted kids, along with those who were misfits, had been bullied, or had gender identity issues.

For her, this school was a godsend.  The small size of the school made it easy for the teachers and counselors to get to know the kids individually really well.  My daughter bonded with a couple of the teachers there, and they learned how to deal with her.  I really felt that they could see the awesome girl behind the impossible outside.  They worked with her and supported her in a personalized way that no normal large school could have.

That said, she did seek out and get involved with the druggie crowd, and became a heavy marijuana user.  I don't believe she was coerced into it though, I believe she sought it out, and likely would have done the same at a regular high school.  The difference being, in a regular school she would probably have spent a lot more time suspended and in trouble.

The best part was that she could self-pace.  Assignments had to be completed to a B or better to be accepted, but there was no drop dead due date.  You could turn them all in at the end of the semester, and could even go back and finish up a class the next semester if you needed to.  If a student really didn't seem to be participating or trying to do their work, the student and teacher would go to a mediation where the student would be given the choice of whether to stay in the class and do the work, or leave the class.

One of the other posters said the work was easy and their child graduated without having to study much.  I sort of felt the same way about this school.  However, her scores on both the state standardized testing and the SATs were very good, so it appears that she actually was learning a lot at the school. 

Every child is different, and I have not even considered sending my son to that school, but for my daughter, it was the best place she could possibly be.