Is there any hope for a normal life again?

[bubby827]

It just seems like ever since all this craziness started our lives just seem so turned upside down.  I feel like I am always upset about one thing or another.  Does life ever get calm again?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gidget]

Yes it does I think it is when we make it calm down by no longer being a part of the craziness but learning how to deal with it and accept it. That is what is happening in my life. Many Many Many Years of craziness

Welcome

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, bubby827    I know that things are crazy for you right now, and sad and confusing and painful. But, Gidget is right about life becoming calmer at some point:

Yes it does I think it is when we make it calm down by no longer being a part of the craziness but learning how to deal with it and accept it. That is what is happening in my life. Many Many Many Years of craziness

 

She's learning the tools and techniques that you can find in the LINKS to the right-hand side of this page. THE LESSONS are particularly helpful, and not only will they help you understand how your daughter feels, and how her mind works, but you will also learn how to take care of yourself. And, when you are feeling calmer and better centered, you will be better able to deal with your daughter. The main thing I have learned from this site is that though I cannot change one thing in any of my BPD loved ones, I can change the way I understand and communicate with them, and when I do that, they react differently to me! And things get better... .

Hang in there, bubby827; we'll be here for you as you get to a more "calm" life 

[qcarolr]

All of what Rapt Reader shared is good. The lessons and tools do work, when I am being good enough to myself to find them. Redefining what is 'normal' for my life has been part of my process too. My dh has stepped up to be here for the family -- when I can be quietly vulnerable instead of screaming demanding he responds so much better. Well, gd does too. I have been working with my personal T and with a family T and am getting on a better track in how I relate to each of them.

Also, no longer having BPDDD27 in our home has created the space needed for me to see my own needs, and how to take care of them little by little.

How are things for you today?

qcr

[Someday . . .]

What all of the above people said is true . . and I would like to add something (a miracle in my opinion!).   My dd25 has actually become much more emotionally regulated in the past 3 months.  In fact, I validated her tonight by mentioning what I have observed . .

Me:  "You seem to be much more emotionally regulated the past 3 months"

Dd25:  "Finally you're saying something about it".

Me:  "Yeah, I've noticed it for a while and wanted to say something about it".  I was wondering why you seem more regulated. . . is it ok, if I share my observation with you and you tell me your thoughts?"

DD25:  "Yeah, go ahead"

Me:  "Well, I think that you having a boyfriend has tended to 'ground' you . . what do you feel is the reason that you're able to handle your emotions in a more effective manner?"

DD25:   "Seriously?  Well, I feel that it has to do with having my boyfriend, but to be honest with you I think that I'm changing and outgrowing being impulsive and dysregulated".

So, to be honest with you I NEVER thought that my daughter my would EVER be more emotionally regulated considering the past 10 years!  So, hey, if my daughter is tending to 'outgrow' it maybe others can too!   

It is true that she's been incredibly more stable emotionally since around September than I have ever seen her before!   Maybe, this could happen to your daughter   :  ))

 

[qcarolr]

Someday, Thanks for sharing this conversation. I am so glad that things are better for your family.

Has your DD been involved in any other supportive activities? Therapy?

I did notice a change in my DD27 when she turned 25. She became more aware, or at least has experienced more times able to talk with me calmly about her life and feelings. Most often this was also when she was in a good period with a boyfriend. The sad part for me is that these bf's were not very stable, were very needy themselves, and were not there for DD when she needed their support.

Do you know your DD's bf very well? Do they participate in activities with your family? Just curious.

qcr

[Someday . . .]

Qcarolr - Unfortunately my daughter has not attended anything remotely supportive.   It is very difficult for her to leave the house due to anxiety, ADHD, physical illness,  etc. . .   If she does make an appt., very often she is unable to follow through with it.

 

My dd25 met her boyfriend at an RTC.   They lived on their own for four months and that was a disaster, they split up, he now lives on the opposite coast.  They are now back together, but in a long distance relationship (which is difficult for my needy daughter).  They have seen each other twice since they have gotten back together.   We know him quite well, and he is a sweetheart, yet he has a significant amount of challenges as does our daughter.  When he is here, we do many things with him.   Personally, I feel that the long distance relationship is the best case scenario for right now.  The relationship grounds my daughter, she has hope in her life, and she has goals because of him.  I am taking one day at a time . . .