Getting help for my family and my daughter

[LDC62]

Hello

We just tried to spend a nice Christmas together.  There are four in the family.  Me, my husband, our daughter age 31 and our son age 27.  Our lives have always been disrupted by our daughter for as long as we can remember.  She has been in therapy for ADD and Bipolar Disorder.  She takes Adderal.  Despite a college education with a BA in Social Work, she continues to flounder in work and relationships.  Her latest was a problem with the GPS in her car which sent her on a tirade threatening to kill her brother and me.  She told him how much she hated him and wanted him dead.  When I intervened, she told me that she wanted me dead also.  Nothing in her life, her DUI, her "missed opportunities", her failed relationships is her fault.  Once she stopped ranting, we asked her to leave and the next day we received an email from her apologizing for her actions.  We told her that she needed to seek help, but she feels as a Social Worker, she doesn't have a problem, we do.  She presently lives with us, but since she has recently stolen from us, we would like her to go.  She is presently unemployed, yet again, and except for her $240/week from unemployment, she has no funds.  We don't know what to do. This holiday family gathering was so depressing for us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Surnia]

Hi LDC62

and 

What a difficult family life you are in! No wonder you had depressing christmas holidays. Great you are reaching out for support. It is so courageous to tell the own struggles, sharing the own story. 

Many members here are in a similar situation, so you are not alone. And there are a lot of helpful resources too. Like this one: Family Guidelines.

Please stay in touch, LDC62!

[livednlearned]

Hi LDC62,

I wanted to join Surnia in welcoming you to bpdfamily. You must feel so exhausted and worn out by these struggles. ADD and bipolar are tough enough, much less BPD. The push, the pull, the anger and apologizing, blame-shifting. It can put so much stress and pressure on other family members. My N/BPDex was also diagnosed ADHD, had bipolar on both sides of his family, but would only accept ADHD. Definitely not bipolar, and absolutely no way BPD. Too much stigma, I think. Too much shame.

There are so many people here who know what you're going through, who understand the pain of watching a loved one struggle with this awful disorder and the difficult behaviors that go with it. You'll find a lot of peer support here and people who have experienced the same things you have, plus there are lots of tools to help minimize conflict. Maybe not make it go away completely, but minimize it, and learn how to get some peace back in your life.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You're not alone.



LnL