Physical Abuse

[SimplySeattle]

Around a week ago, I was taking a nap on the bed with my uBPD wife. When we woke up, she said that she felt some pressure in her heart (she has said this before and now I know it's a warning sign). I asked her if there was any anxiety? She said a little. Later, while still in bed, we started talking about sports. While she was telling me a story, I noticed that she was playing with her wedding band and I looked down at her finger. When I looked back up, she headbutted me and said, "what are you doing?" I was totally taken off guard and did not expect that coming. When I asked her why she did that? She said that I gave her an "evil eye" because she was playing with her ring. We have had some discussion on the past about how it bothers me when she slides her wedding band up and down her finger (if we had more of a stable, trusting relationship, it would not be an issue).

Needless to say, I told her that it was not ok to hit me on the head and I tapped her forehead with my finger. She returned the tap to mine. I thought about this for awhile and decided that it was time to go. I packed my things and left her house (we have been living separately) and went home. We have had little communication over the past week, but she did apologize.

A few months prior to this, I was laying in bed unable to sleep at 3 am. Out of nowhere, she kneed me in the butt really hard and said that it was an accident. From the force, I could tell that she had not been sleeping and it was pretty deliberate. I did not discuss this with her much more.

After all this, I am concerned what might come next. I feel that if I forgiver her, then I might have more violence in the future.

[janey62]

Hi SimplySeattle,

Sounds as if its not even about forgiving her or not forgiving her; perhaps you can forgive her because she is suffering from BPD?  I think though it's more about what you're prepared to tolerate?

I know we tolerate bad behaviour from our loved ones sometimes but I think this is about working out for yourself how much; how far are you prepared to stretch your boundaries?  From what others say on here it seems that the road to wellness for us is to create and maintain our boundaries however hard that might be.

It feels as if we are constantly being pushed and tested to see what we will put up with!

I think it's good that you left.  It gave her a clear signal that you were not happy about what she did.

I'm new at this and not really qualified yet to give out advice.  I just wanted to say that I feel for you. 

Jane

[SimplySeattle]

Thank you Jane. Yes. It does seem like they push and tease to see how far they can push the boundaries. Recently, after she's done something, she'll ask, "Are you pissed?" Or, "Are you angry?" As if she is testing the waters to see what it will take to make me upset.

[waverider]

Given that you live separately it should not be too hard to enforce boundaries. First sign of this you up and leave, each and every time, dont stick around to debate it.

No doubt she is trying to provoke you and then slip into victim mode.