my crazy family

[Depression = 72% of members]

this is how it goes:

1922 my dad born into a family where the lifestyle was nomadic his father alcoholic and mother histrionic

1926 my mother born but not wanted by mother or father therefore dreadfully neglected and brought up by older sister

1940 mother meets father and they click as mother BPD and father BPD / NPD

1942 they marry and dad goes of to war for 3 years

1945 dad comes back having seen some of the world to discover that mum is not really functional when it comes to intimacy and in fact neither is he - the problems start when... .

1949 my brother is born, dad starts an affair with a women that lasts 18 years, drives mum insane

1957 my mother tricks dad into having me, he doesn't want me and was planning to leave the marriage

1958 i am born to a depressed suicidal mother and an uncaring npd father

as i grow up my brother gets most attention from dad and i am left to parent my mum

1961 me and mum leave home and wander the streets for days her constantly sobbing, me terrified

we come home after a few days, dad doesn't seem bothered, this happens again a year later, we live in a car for a week, dad doesn't care

1962 i spend a week in hospital having my appendix out, i start to realise it feels better away from my family

1965 my mum nearly dies from an illness and i don't see her for 3 months, dad tries to chuck all her stuff hoping she wont come back

1967 my brother gives my dad an ultimatum within the family business, its either my brother or the mistress, dad chooses brother but makes all our lives hell, brother and mother breakdown, Im confused

1967 dad goes in to hospital for one day and has an epiphany, he has missed my growing up as he is a selfish ___ who has neglected his son and wife for nearly 2 decades

1969 my brother marries and moves out

1974 i start in the family business cajoled into it and hate working with my dad

1978 i leave the family business and my mum writes a will and gives it to me to look after as she doesn't trust dad, in which i subsequently discover a suicide note and a vitriolic letter to my dad, i open it in march 2013 as a result of my breakdown because of an NPD / BPD girlfriend attempting suicide, in fact as it turns out 9 months before mum dies as a result of starving her self to death because she has had enough.

Mum and dad  however stayed together in total for 71 years in this made npd / BPD love hate relationship.

2013 Mum dies and i discover a second will that she made in 1992 that i believe she was manipulated into by my dad leaving everything to him despite her at this time having a 4 year old grandson, she never told me to destroy the first will! yes he's still alive 91 yo

My mum is in a pitiful state when she dies having been neglected by dad till the end but actually colluding in that neglect, I am suing the GP practice potentially about the lack of safeguarding. my brother is distraught as he tried to get them to have more care input from the state but failed to convince them both as did I

I come to terms with the fact they were both nuts - dad rectifies mums will and leaves her money and half the house to me my brother and my two sons.

Now i have to look after the old b*stard and try and organise the funeral so as not to shame him too much... . crazy

Guess what?... . I am npd / BPD but healing because it all now makes sense in the mad world of BPD

[Calm Waters]

this is how it goes:

1922 my dad born into a family where the lifestyle was nomadic his father alcoholic and mother histrionic

1926 my mother born but not wanted by mother or father therefore dreadfully neglected and brought up by older sister

1940 mother meets father and they click as mother BPD and father BPD / NPD

1942 they marry and dad goes of to war for 3 years

1945 dad comes back having seen some of the world to discover that mum is not really functional when it comes to intimacy and in fact neither is he - the problems start when... .

1949 my brother is born, dad starts an affair with a women that lasts 18 years, drives mum insane

1957 my mother tricks dad into having me, he doesn't want me and was planning to leave the marriage

1958 i am born to a depressed suicidal mother and an uncaring npd father

as i grow up my brother gets most attention from dad and i am left to parent my mum

1961 me and mum leave home and wander the streets for days her constantly sobbing, me terrified

we come home after a few days, dad doesn't seem bothered, this happens again a year later, we live in a car for a week, dad doesn't care

1962 i spend a week in hospital having my appendix out, i start to realise it feels better away from my family

1965 my mum nearly dies from an illness and i don't see her for 3 months, dad tries to chuck all her stuff hoping she wont come back

1967 my brother gives my dad an ultimatum within the family business, its either my brother or the mistress, dad chooses brother but makes all our lives hell, brother and mother breakdown, Im confused

1967 dad goes in to hospital for one day and has an epiphany, he has missed my growing up as he is a selfish ___ who has neglected his son and wife for nearly 2 decades

1969 my brother marries and moves out

1974 i start in the family business cajoled into it and hate working with my dad

1978 i leave the family business and my mum writes a will and gives it to me to look after as she doesn't trust dad, in which i subsequently discover a suicide note and a vitriolic letter to my dad, i open it in march 2013 as a result of my breakdown because of an NPD / BPD girlfriend attempting suicide, in fact as it turns out 9 months before mum dies as a result of starving her self to death because she has had enough.

Mum and dad  however stayed together in total for 71 years in this made npd / BPD love hate relationship.

2013 Mum dies and i discover a second will that she made in 1992 that i believe she was manipulated into by my dad leaving everything to him despite her at this time having a 4 year old grandson, she never told me to destroy the first will! yes he's still alive 91 yo

My mum is in a pitiful state when she dies having been neglected by dad till the end but actually colluding in that neglect, I am suing the GP practice potentially about the lack of safeguarding. my brother is distraught as he tried to get them to have more care input from the state but failed to convince them both as did I

I come to terms with the fact they were both nuts - dad rectifies mums will and leaves her money and half the house to me my brother and my two sons.

Now i have to look after the old b*stard and try and organise the funeral so as not to shame him too much... . crazy

Guess what?... . I am npd / BPD but healing because it all now makes sense in the mad world of BPD

[GeekyGirl]

Calm Waters, that's a lot to take in, and as StarStruck said, that's an incredible account.

I can understand how you're very angry at your mother's will and frustrated with your dad. At the same time, how can you work on yourself to let go of the anger that you're feeling? How much involvement do you have with your dad? Are you getting help from your brother?

[mggt]

Calm Waters,  My heart go's out to you , stay strong you have been threw hell and back no one can break you 

[Calm Waters]

hi thanks all for your kind support. I have two sons 26 and 17 both of whom are struggling with similar issues sadly. If i had been more conscious sooner maybe I could have avoided passing some of the issues on to them, all I can do now is help them as best i can and be a better dad than mine was / is. Last year my older one was suicidal and still has ideation the younger one is struggling with gardia! not pleasant at that age. My brother is great but he is starting Chemotherapy after my mums funeral, no doubt in my mind the stress of our family has somatised in to illness for him, so far not me thankfully.