My BPD relationship end. Sound familiar anyone? And indicative of BPD?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Last summer I had hit the 5 year mark in a relationship with a woman I believe probably had BPD. There had been many highs and lows but in the previous 6 months her mood swings had become more frequent and severe. I literally didn't know from one day to the next whether I'd get Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde.

We hadn't spoken much for a couple of weeks when suddenly I got a text saying she needed to speak to me. On the phone she said it was to talk about us. When I went round the next day she said she felt she had done something to hurt me or make me angry. I explained it wasn"t that, just that when her mood dipped she was impossible to communicate with,  so I withdrew as a coping strategy to protect my own emotional health. She seemed to understand although I did say we'd have to see how things went over the next few weeks. That was me giving her a warning shot over tthe bows I suppose.

She seemed to be really trying but then a couple of weeks later I called her a few days before my birthday to tell her about an idea I'd had for a day out to celebrate and we were back to mr Hyde again. She said she had her son that weekend and couldn't do anything as he might need a lift somewhere.  (This is an 18 year old not a toddler). I asked if he could fend for himself just once as it was my birthday, but she responded that I'd made her feel guilty. I said ok, never mind, let me know if anything changes though and I'll keep the day free.

My birthday came and went without a call,  text or cad, but 2 days later I received this strange card - a corny joke thing that would appeal to a young teenage boy - written upside down! Thought it was weird but nothing more, then mid afternoon 2 days later this email arrived in my inbox at work.

Hi

Just letting you know that whatever we're supposed to be doing I'm not doing it anymore.

I'm done and I'm done talking about it.

If you want to be friends fine.

If you don't want to be friends fine.

Now bear in mind that I'm in a professional job and it arrived about 10 minutes before I was due to see a distressed client.

I did nothing that day but she actually did me a favour because when I showed it to my friends at work the next day the looks of disbelief and sheer horror on their faces made me realise how far I'd gone in accepting totally disrespectful and cruel behaviour as normal.

I never did respond and have had no contact ever since. And have lived to tell the tale. I still sometimes feel sad for what might have been but I couldn't go on like that. I need stability and it had got to the point where I was jumping out of my skin every time I got a text. I never knew what was coming next. Not good after 5 years together.

Does this sound typical of BPD to anyone?

[Arctic Monkey]

Last summer I had hit the 5 year mark in a relationship with a woman I believe probably had BPD. There had been many highs and lows but in the previous 6 months her mood swings had become more frequent and severe. I literally didn't know from one day to the next whether I'd get Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde.

We hadn't spoken much for a couple of weeks when suddenly I got a text saying she needed to speak to me. On the phone she said it was to talk about us. When I went round the next day she said she felt she had done something to hurt me or make me angry. I explained it wasn"t that, just that when her mood dipped she was impossible to communicate with,  so I withdrew as a coping strategy to protect my own emotional health. She seemed to understand although I did say we'd have to see how things went over the next few weeks. That was me giving her a warning shot over tthe bows I suppose.

She seemed to be really trying but then a couple of weeks later I called her a few days before my birthday to tell her about an idea I'd had for a day out to celebrate and we were back to mr Hyde again. She said she had her son that weekend and couldn't do anything as he might need a lift somewhere.  (This is an 18 year old not a toddler). I asked if he could fend for himself just once as it was my birthday, but she responded that I'd made her feel guilty. I said ok, never mind, let me know if anything changes though and I'll keep the day free.

My birthday came and went without a call,  text or cad, but 2 days later I received this strange card - a corny joke thing that would appeal to a young teenage boy - written upside down! Thought it was weird but nothing more, then mid afternoon 2 days later this email arrived in my inbox at work.

Hi

Just letting you know that whatever we're supposed to be doing I'm not doing it anymore.

I'm done and I'm done talking about it.

If you want to be friends fine.

If you don't want to be friends fine.

Now bear in mind that I'm in a professional job and it arrived about 10 minutes before I was due to see a distressed client.

I did nothing that day but she actually did me a favour because when I showed it to my friends at work the next day the looks of disbelief and sheer horror on their faces made me realise how far I'd gone in accepting totally disrespectful and cruel behaviour as normal.

I never did respond and have had no contact ever since. And have lived to tell the tale. I still sometimes feel sad for what might have been but I couldn't go on like that. I need stability and it had got to the point where I was jumping out of my skin every time I got a text. I never knew what was coming next. Not good after 5 years together.

Does this sound typical of BPD to anyone?

[Waifed]

Yep. Crazy making. You just can't make this stuff up. Kind of like the movie "Closer".  Natalie Portman just decides out of the blue that she is done with the relationship. It's impossible to have a relationship with a crazy person.

[goldylamont]

wow, 5 years is a while to be in the r/s. really sorry that this happened to you, mine lasted 4 years so i can relate. also i identify with things being rocky here and there during our r/s, but it was the last 6 months or so of it that just got really out of hand. i realize now that even after living with this person for 18 months, i never truly knew what she was capable of until long after we had broken up. and now that i've seen it, i'm SO glad i'm not with her anymore. you take care.

oh, and funk her for her treatment of you during your bday and for that email. obviously she was blatantly lying about your bday to try and hurt you and the email was just another way to get under your skin. there's no way to make sense of it and you don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

let's congratulate you for recognizing this as a person you needed to separate from and to be strong enough to follow through!   happy new year!

[Arctic Monkey]

Thanks both of you for your kind replies. I'm going to check out that Natalie Portman film!

I think I just needed some more confirmation that her behaviour was just wrong considering the length of the relationship. And I am glad I'm out of it now albeit extremely wary of dipping my toe in the water again. One of my colleagues who read the email is a psychologist and he said it was crying out for attention. I'm not so sure about that and maybe I'll never know.

It's funny,  I visited this site many times during the relationship but couldn't bring myself to join until now.  Maybe I should have done although I suspect the outcome would have been the same. Some people just don't change.

Anyway enough gloominess! I'll post something more cheerful and uplifting next!