Lying,Cheating?Whats could be worse?

[Cimbaruns]

I've visited this board on many occasions over the last 3 years... . been sucked back in to my relationship many times... . but nothing is more devastating to me than this... .

My BPDw has gone beyond what I can ultimately handle... . lying and cheating!

I had my suspicions and as I reflect back to our first meeting... . I believe she was in a long relationship then, and I was her new "replacement"... . I now know what that person must have felt like!

During all of my recycles I have like my heart has been torn out and or trampled ... . however... . Now... . I am feeling so so angry... .

Can anyone relate?

Been sucked back in... . tried to work it out... . then dumped... .

Told they were controlling... .

Told they "loved me deeply" but that it just wasn't working for them?

I have absolutely so desire whatsoever to even speaking to her again... . and she's my WIFE!

This is one of the most awful things that I've ever been through... .

[Changingman]

Know this... .

It was a lie from the moment you met her.

The rest was a slow realisation of that. Confused by their FOG, abused because they know it and are angry, fear that when you wake up you will abandon them, hateful of you for staying with such lowlife and hold yourself in such low terms.

Ugg! I need a shower now, wash off the sludge.

Good luck healing

[sadinnc98]

I am in a very familiar situation (although not married)... . I am very sorry you are going through this. I know ALL too well just how painful it all is   I am still semi-involved and trying to get out... I am finally past the denial stage  and trying to move forward. So hard!

[State85]

I understand how you feel, although I was not married. Looking back when I first met my exgf, I realize now she was in a r/s at the time and I was a replacement.

Actions my friend, they speak much louder than words!

[bpdspell]

When I first got with my BPDex he complained excessively     about his ex and I personally believe they were still having sex with each other when I came into the picture. When he secured me; he dropped her like a half-eaten sandwich. Rarely are they without some source of supply.

In many ways our BPD's emotionally groom us to feel "special"; better than the last experience they had (oh poor them!) and with idealization we end up believing that "our experience" with them will be different.

In many ways we are different but we all end up getting the "slap in the face, take a dump on your head" treatment: the cheating, the lies and the betrayal…and none of us are exempt from it no matter how unique and special we are. No matter how faithful or good we treated them; they are narcissistically mental ill and damaged beyond comprehension.

If we pay close attention to their antics and their romantic histories we will see in the aftermath of their chaotic history that they (our ex's) are the common denominator.

The cheating and lying are very hurtful but that pain opens our eyes to the truth of the characters that we are dealing with. Your wife is a really sick woman and her behavior has nothing to do with you; it's all her as it was with the last guy.

What's worse? Continuing to live a lie or believing that we can make "fetch" happen.

Spell

[Cimbaruns]

Thanks all for your comments and feedback.

Yes indeed... . I feel like I was dropped like a half eaten sandwich!

I remember on past break ups she mustn't had a "replacement" because there was some form of attempted communication.

This time upon leaving I found a ring that I had given her in the bathroom drawer ... . the one she cleaned out of her stuff!

Talk about a statement,

And she had completely and utterly gone on to the next!

I am sickened and devastated and speechless

The hurt is excruciating... . but yet I feel as if I've been released from this horrible prison of a relationship I've been in... .

I'm numb

[Kallor74]

The hurt is excruciating... . but yet I feel as if I've been released from this horrible prison of a relationship I've been in... .

I'm numb

Best believe that you have been released from a horrible prison. You are just shell shocked but with time and space from crazy, you will feel like a new man!

[coastalfog1]

Sorry. I can also understand how you feel. The lying is awful, it leaves you feeling empty and questioning if anything was real. For me, I wonder why I accepted it for so long. It’s not like I didn’t have my suspicions when we first started dating. Heck I even googled her and confirmed she was lying. Yet there hasn’t been a moment that’s gone by over the past couple days that I haven’t longed for her to contact again. Longing for something that’s terrible for you is such a crappy feeling. 

[santa]

Honestly, I'll tell you what's worse.

Them being in your face 24 hours a day with their crazy making. Just non-stop all day, everyday. You think maybe they can chill out and give you a break from the nonsense for a few days, but they can't. They just start up with it again. They've always got a problem with something. And if they're not mad at you, they'll call a family member and get something started with them. Then get mad at you afterwards when you agree with them about the quality of their family member's character. You can't please them no matter what you do or say.

[WrennyJen]

"Sorry. I can also understand how you feel. The lying is awful, it leaves you feeling empty and questioning if anything was real. For me, I wonder why I accepted it for so long. It’s not like I didn’t have my suspicions when we first started dating. Heck I even googled her and confirmed she was lying. Yet there hasn’t been a moment that’s gone by over the past couple days that I haven’t longed for her to contact again. Longing for something that’s terrible for you is such a crappy feeling."

EXACTLY Coastal.  Same thing that I am going through with my BPDbf.  I am making preparations to leave and I dread that longing because I've been through it before, sadly...   Sometimes it's so good and I've never met anyone like him.  (Probably for the best though, not sure I could handle another. Lol)