What's Happened Since the Breakup

[Johnny Alias]

I do hear things... . I don't seek it out because I'm 50 days NC but I hear things on occasion... .

She and her BF had a huge fight and he threw all her clothes all over their lawn.

She and BF attacked one of her oldest friends and accused her and I of having an affair.  His dog subsquently bit the friend's daughter and the told her to F off when she asked to see vaccination papers.

She annoyed another friend when drunk who was trying to make some business connections at a bar.  He hates her now.

Screamed at another when wasted.  Again they are friends no longer. 

Grabbed another's breasts in front of friends parents again when wasted.   

She and BF got disinvited from 2 xmas parties because people are tired of her drama. 

He got arrested in a barfight. 

They're banned from another couple's house they stayed at for being drunken dramatic complainers. 

Spare me the whole focus on you speech.  I am.  Believe me.  I'm taking trips, working out, dating 3 women, reading self help books, getting therapy, and doing a bunch of home improvement. 

I'm just in shock is all to hear this.  She's truly gone off the deep end in the 5 months since this ended.  I can't believe it.  It seems so insane even for her... . but then I take the rose colored glasses off and realize... . this is normal for her.  I made a list of all the people that went from white to black... . 15 friends and family members.  Drunkenly embarassing herself constantly.  Raging.  Shooting her mouth off.  Saying totally inappropriate crap to people. 

Wow.  Just in disbelief.  She's 43.  When this ride's over she's going to be alone and living in a basement despised by all... . just like her mom. 

[Perfidy]

Are you getting validation from her behavior?

[Johnny Alias]

That's a VERY fair question.  I think I am.  It was the hardest decision I ever made to leave her... . but hearing about this stuff definitely validates my actions.  She's the double whammy with the BPD/HPD and the alcoholism.  It's continuing big time.  Plus she's mirroring this guy she's with who is reputed to be a major d-bag. 

People simple DONT like her.  She's cruel, self absorbed, manipulative, and insincere.  They can see it.  I couldn't. 

It's especially telling when two friends she's know for YEARS have said they wont speak to her again.  Two of the kindest gals I know and they don't want anything to do with her. 

[ShadowDancer]

Dayum I thought I was reading about a 20 somethings yo yo life. 43! Sheesh... . do they ever "get it".

[Perfidy]

You are at a good place with the no contact. I got there pretty quick, finally just stopped keeping tabs all together. Still got a little PTSD going on. Last time I talked with my counselor was day before yesterday. You getting therapy?

[Johnny Alias]

If her mom's any reference I'd say NO!

Her friend put it very well... . this tantrum child like behavior she displays might have gone over in her 20's and early 30's because she was smoking hot... . but now?  People look on it with major disdain.  

They don't grow up.  They don't.  Her mom has literally mooched off everyone she knows and her family can't stand her.  She quits jobs like breathing air.  She fakes illnesses to get attention.  

Some of this was already manifesting in my ex.  Constantly sick with colds, backaches, stomachaches, whatever.  Her plotting to get more money out of her dad or her friend that was kind enough to give her jobs (this is the one who won't speak to her again btw).  

It's unreal.  God.  She took SO much out of me... . and I still think about her to an unhealthy degree.  Its getting better as time goes on.  I thank god she isn't younger or I'd be in real trouble.  Still, 4 years of recycling and abuse is a lot for anyone.  

A pretty helpless waif will elicit a lot of sympathy and white knights come out of the woodwork... . at 43... . well... . let's just say the ride is almost over.  

I am in therapy yes.  Every week.  Need it.  Super PTSD.  It's unreal to go from godhood to a pile of crap in the eyes of someone who professed to love you beyond all measure. 

[Perfidy]

Yup... I feel your pain. Ten months for me. It is getting better. For a while there it was pretty f'd up. Glad you are doing the right things for yourself.

I noticed a little guilt complex of my own. Mainly guilt through association. Her drug habit had me thinking that everyone else thought I was on drugs with her. I felt like I was in denial and wasn't even using! How's that for getting sucked into the madness.

[Johnny Alias]

I get it. You internalize criticisms about them from other people. You leap to their defense. Easy to do.

My favorite was the heavily photoshopped scantily clad pics she posts on FB.  Her dad took most of them. A gal once pointed out that that's weird. I defended it at the time that they're just spending time together... .

Well guess what?  THAT IS WEIRD!  Can't believe I rationalized that perfectly valid observation.  That and the fact that he brings a box of booze over every week for them to get wasted on is just effing STRANGE.

Three dates set up with normal women this week. Women who have jobs, friends they treat right, and aren't alcoholic junkies. That's good. I like that.

Thanks for the comments. Need the validation. You begin to not trust your own instincts after being with people like this. EVERYONE I know thinks I did the right thing. Crazy.

[Perfidy]

Ditto. Everyone that I know can't understand why I got so screwed up over a bloodsucking tick. Hard to explain core issuers and mental illness. They got worn out about me talk nog about it. They still can't understand my PTSD. Borderline attachment might as well be particle physics. People look at me like I'm from another planet. Makes me want to scream. Then try and talk with them about healing... . huh! Like... . build a bridge and get over it! My counsellor is the only flesh and blood person that even understands. We are talking about re-parenting. I get the idea although it seems like just self discipline to me. Call it what you want.