uBPDh now officially diagnosed (b/t me and T). BPD and NPD. Now what?

[wishfulthinking]

Title pretty much says it.  I knew the BPD and suspected the NPD.  BPDh and I had started MC and yesterday he couldn't make it. "Had to work" He is his own boss, can do what he wants when he wants.  ANYWAY, the T and I had a chance to talk because I wasn't missing the appt.  T starts asking a few questions of me pretty early in the session after I filled him in on the past week.  He pulled out his notes and started questioning me off of them, so he already had ideas in his head, but with just him and I he had the opportunity to ask me outright.  (BPDh and I are early on in our sessions, so I honestly haven't said much about all the happenings at home.  This T is seeing all this on his own)  T says he's glad it's just us because he has some questions about BPDh. I recognise the type of questions as the BPD "criteria".  Then, he threw in some other questions.  After he was done, I said... . Borderline Personality, right?  T said yes and I strongly believe NPD, as well.  He started asking me what I thought about the NPD, I told him I had wondered myself, but the empathy for others part didn't fit.  He told me BPD WANT to empathize and that overrules the lack of desire of empathy of a NPD.  He said with the NPD, the BPD doesn't have the CAPABILITY to truly empathize with anyone, even though they may have the desire.

I asked what this meant for me? Not trying to go all BPD and make it about myself, but how do I handle this? LOL. He laughed and said, it's going to be hard and BPDh will need his own therapy outside of MC.  I said BPDh won't go right now and please don't mention to him he has this yet as it's still early and he's building trust in the T and if he's told that he has an issue, he won't go back.  T agreed.

Anyone else have these comorbid disorders they deal with and any tips or just input?

[wishfulthinking]

Had an argument this morning because of BPDh's irresponsibility.  Now, it's all my fault, apparently.  Does anyone have any pointers on my post before or should I just give up now?  I've already started the divorce paperwork.  In my state we can do it pro se.  With us having no children, it's pretty cut and dry.

[seeking balance]

Sounds like you are ready for the legal board based on your second post.  If I were in your shoes, I would order a copy of Splitting by Bill Eddy - it is a lifeline for navigating a divorce with NPD/BPD.

Good luck!