How often do you have to deal with requests for parenting time outside the plan or in addition? I have residential custody and UBPD has parenting time. At least once per month or more there is something. I accommodate a swap for a work related conflict during his normal parenting time maintaining the time he has but I don't really bend outside of that. After the divorce finally finalized my attorney said not to bend an inch on time since through the divorce every bend yielded a demand for more for months as we tried to finalize things. I know he hates limits and rules so he'll buck the plan and I don't want to set a precedent. He doesn't seem to understand we have a family plan with his parenting time laid out and we shouldn't have to keep having these discussions! It's hard to deal with what feels like constant requests and that I always have to be the bad guy. I hate it! What is "normal" for others? What do you do? How flexible are you? What is the best approach long term for kids and me?
I would start with those two things, highlighted in bold above. It reminds me of the way some teachers approach the beginning of the school year: they won't bend the rules, are tougher with the kids, and enforce boundaries, even the small ones. Once the kids are on the same page and know the routine, the teacher starts to slowly let up.
If you want your ex to respect your boundaries, and the boundaries of the parenting plan, you have to assert them consistently. It's ok to stick to the parenting plan. You aren't the bad guy for following the order -- that's what it's for. If he is constantly trying to negotiate with you, and you feel like the bad guy, then it's best to focus on setting a firm boundary for now. See how it goes over the next year. Reevaluate when the boundary feels like a real boundary.
Me, I'm not that flexible. About every six months, I need a tune-up or a reminder about why flexible just doesn't work for us. If I offer N/BPDx something above and beyond what we have, I need to accept that he will be difficult or nasty, and not let it get to me. I'm now at the point that unless S12 asks for extra time with his dad, I don't offer. If N/BPDx asks for something extra with S12, he needs to write a straightforward email that says what the event is, when, plus drop off and pick up information. No abuse. No stonewalling. No name-calling.
That's pretty much how it works now. If he has something special in mind, he writes a no-nonsense email, matter of fact, all the details, and I say yes or no. No drama.
