How typical, he seems to think I have NPD

[Seneca]

After telling me a few days ago that I needed to find myself a lawyer because I refused to go to his T appointment with him, he has been avoiding me... . but being really creepy and cryptic. Today in the car he randomly asked me, " would you rather be liked or admired?" Now i know dang well that he was asking that for a reason... . so I thought about it for a moment and said "I'm not sure. What about you?" And he quickly responded "liked". Oookay, good for you.

Then tonight I see that he has been looking up stuff on NPD... . clearly not for himself, because he only has one maladaptive trait that is part of the NPD criteria. He had accused me of this years ago as well.

I know this is normal for many of you - "I'm not sick, you're the sick one". How do you handle that? Clearly standing up for yourself is useless... .

[MissyM]

Well, I was in therapy myself for the last couple of years.  My dBPDh was convinced I had real problems, I was aware that the problems I have are codependency and BPD but he didn't believe that.  It took us going to a treatment center together and them seeing me and him, for him to begin to believe I was right.  They spot on diagnosed that he had BPD and I was suffering from PTSD from all of the crap he has put me through.  The first 3 1/2 days he was a raging mess because he was sure that I was the problem, tried to lie about me but I was there to counter any of that.  He finally accepted by the end of the week that I had issues but they were not what he thought.  This trip and therapeutic intensive were so worth the money.  It is amazing that he thought we were going there and they were going to diagnose me with a PD, but he definitely had convinced himself that was true.

[MissyM]

Meant to put that I was aware the problems I have are codependency and PTSD.  Have no idea how to edit my post.

[Seneca]

Thanks missy! Glad you had the opportunity to get things straightened out.

He started posting quotes from npd papers and websites as his facebook status updates... . trying to shame me or something? Not sure. Not biting on it. So tired of this. Someday i'll be free. Decided to block him on fb so i don't have to see the updates.

Not sure if i should just confront him about it or keep ignoring the obvious. I dont want to give that a voice because it will be so hard to not JADE. Any advice on how to approach this?

[MissyM]

Ugh, Seneca!  That is so petty and annoying.  I can't think of how I would handle that.  My dBPDh hates to embarrass us that publicly.  I know when mine was disregulated and trying to blame me for his problems, he wouldn't listen to a thing I had to say.  He looked for people he could lie to and get to agree with him.  It is a tough spot to be in.

[unicorn2014]

Have you diagnosed yourself for npd? One of the things we have to ask ourselves is why are we in a relationship with a person with BPD. Is it because we are narcissistic?

[thicker skin]

It's probably true over there in his reality Seneca, but you don't have to believe him or be drawn into a debate about it. In truth, there's probably a little bit wrong with all of us who put up with poor treatment... . Recognising it and calling it for what it is is healthy, but that can really ramp things up, can't it?

I had CPTSD after years and years of vicious bouts of degrading accusations Missy. My partner too couldn't understand the impact of his actions and diagnosed me. It's true that we are all responsible for our own thoughts and actions, but when someone else is blaming you for their chronic abuse and paranoia, it becomes very difficult to let it wash over you. Fear strikes.

The psychiatrist could see the big picture and sent us into systemic couples therapy, as he thought it was the only way to deal with him. Sadly for me, he told a lot of lies, denied some awful truths and shouted so loudly that I couldn't be heard. It was futile. I'm glad you got a result, though.

[HopefulDad]

Typical, indeed!

My BPDw started getting on me about my passive aggressive behavior and would use examples to back her point.  The funny thing is that the examples all showed how I was being very direct.  So then my mother tells me one day that my wife posted an article to her Pinterest page about PA spouses*.  So THAT's why she suddenly got on this PA accusation kick.

Last night I was on the family laptop and while searching for something on Google the auto-fill showed "Is my husband schizoid?"  So now she's looking up whether or not I'm schizophrenic, I guess.

Another time the auto-fill showed "Borderline Personality Disorder Passive Aggressive".  I briefly held out hope that she would connect the dots by reading about BPD, but no luck.

I figure by sometime in July she'll have exhausted every mental health issue in her search to diagnose me.

* We got a good laugh from the irony of posting that.