If at first you don't project, project again, and project again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So.  Thought a couple folks on here might appreciate this little anecdote.  stbexwBPD was waiting in the driveway last Friday when I stopped by the house to pick up my daughters for their weekend visit.  Now keep in mind that this is the same woman that filed for divorce - pre-emptive abandonment coupled with desire to inflict an ego wound on me her "narcissist pervert"  husband.

She was upset with the way the divorce proceedings are moving forward and clearly irate that I have introduced her mental health as a possible custodial determinant and even more irate with the fact that I have put the house on the chopping block as a marital asset that needs to be dissolved/sold.  She walks up to the car window and says to me... . I can't believe you're acting like this.  I asked her, "what do you mean?"  She says, "well, you're the one that wanted the divorce and wouldn't go see a counselor."   GONG@@@@@

Ding Dong Ding Dong.  I mean... . just wow.  Everytime I think I have seen it all... . we go deeper. So now the fact that our 500K house is going down the toilet, our family is being torn to shreds, we're going to have 100K in legal fees at least, I'm probably going to end up an indentured servant for 6-7 years of alimony, she's going to have to move... . now this is all my fault.  I had to write this out because unless you have seen a BPD in action it is just too much to believe.   Cukoo, Cukoo, Cukoo 

[Eodmava]

So.  Thought a couple folks on here might appreciate this little anecdote.  stbexwBPD was waiting in the driveway last Friday when I stopped by the house to pick up my daughters for their weekend visit.  Now keep in mind that this is the same woman that filed for divorce - pre-emptive abandonment coupled with desire to inflict an ego wound on me her "narcissist pervert"  husband.

She was upset with the way the divorce proceedings are moving forward and clearly irate that I have introduced her mental health as a possible custodial determinant and even more irate with the fact that I have put the house on the chopping block as a marital asset that needs to be dissolved/sold.  She walks up to the car window and says to me... . I can't believe you're acting like this.  I asked her, "what do you mean?"  She says, "well, you're the one that wanted the divorce and wouldn't go see a counselor."   GONG@@@@@

Ding Dong Ding Dong.  I mean... . just wow.  Everytime I think I have seen it all... . we go deeper. So now the fact that our 500K house is going down the toilet, our family is being torn to shreds, we're going to have 100K in legal fees at least, I'm probably going to end up an indentured servant for 6-7 years of alimony, she's going to have to move... . now this is all my fault.  I had to write this out because unless you have seen a BPD in action it is just too much to believe.   Cukoo, Cukoo, Cukoo 

[casper324]

I started recording my STBex because honestly I couldn't believe things he would say and I didn't think he "knew" what he was saying when he raged, his rage was like darts. 

One time I got this idea to write a book about this experience, my life.  Joking with a friend I told her writing his "role" would be easy because he says the same things over and over and over and over again! 

I feel your pain.  Trying to pin one thing down at a time and find closure to a single issue became a game to me in effort to keep boundaries because it angered me so much when he repeated the same hurtful  things for 20+ years.   

[DoxieLover]

Okay I hate to one up you, eodmava, but sadly, I think I can. 

In mediation last year, my DH's BiPDexWife said that her recent suicide attempt was due to post partum depression from having her new husband's baby.  My DH said, "okay so what about your other suicide attempt X number of years ago?"  She says, "oh that was post partum depression too."  My DH, "That must be a medical miracle then because that one happened two years BEFORE you were ever pregnant!"

Like you, it's hard to believe they can say these things.  It's so sad that they hurt so bad that they will say anything to get off the hook.  I often wonder if they remember later what they said. And if so, do they think, "Man! I hope they fell for that one!"  Or do they think, "Oh crap!  That was stupid.  Why did I lie like that?"  I think they are in so much pain though they probably don't remember.  Unfortunately, we are usually the ones in pain after they say these things and we do remember which makes it that much harder to talk to them next time.

[Eodmava]

Doxie,

You win.  I've begun writing a screenplay on stuff that BPD's do.  I think it will be an amazing experience to give people a real look at this mental illness, frightening and funny at the same time.

Mental illness movies with happy endings like "silver linings playbook" don't convey the utter calamity. 

Example is whenI was getting up to go to work a few years ago, I walked out of the bedroom and turned to go down the stairs - mind you this was at 4:15AM as I was working in the military at the time.  I slipped on the top step and tumbled down 15-16 stairs, landing with a huge thud on my back.  From the bedroom I hear, "will... . you... . hiting... . be quiet."  I am literally laying on the floor with the wind knocked out of me - heck, I could have been dying - and those would have been the last words I ever heard... . why oh why did I stay so long?  Laughing at myself... . hero... . indeed.

MAVA