Should I contact him for closure?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am not sure whether this should be on L2-Undecided or L3-Leaving, but here goes.

My backstory is on the L1 board but the key details are that I & uBPDxbf had long conversation during which he agreed to counseling. I told him I needed time to process everything and decide whether I wanted to move forward with therapy, and the r/s.

24 hours later he called and broke up with me abruptly. I felt relieved and started the healing process. Then a few days after that I unexpectedly ran into him and he begged to get back together. It was a heartbreaking conversation, I was really upset, and I definitely didn't say the right things because I was unprepared for the encounter. The last thing I said to him was something like "I love you but we can't be together, please don't contact me" and walked away.

Since then I've been just awful. I am obsessed with the thought of writing him an email basically saying what I would have said to him if I hadn't been so upset in our last encounter. I feel like we don't have closure because I can't even remember everything I said to him. If there's any chance of a future for us I would want him to know the reasons I didn't take him back immediately, so if he wanted to work on his issues he could (wishful thinking I know). And I also want to apologize for the part I played in the demise of the relationship, and let him know I will always care about him and treasure the good times we spent together, and that I am working on myself so I can deal with my own issues.

Is writing such an email a terrible idea or a good idea? If terrible, why? If good, is there anything I should/shouldn't write?

Thanks so much for the advice.

[abc5443]

I am not sure whether this should be on L2-Undecided or L3-Leaving, but here goes.

My backstory is on the L1 board but the key details are that I & uBPDxbf had long conversation during which he agreed to counseling. I told him I needed time to process everything and decide whether I wanted to move forward with therapy, and the r/s.

24 hours later he called and broke up with me abruptly. I felt relieved and started the healing process. Then a few days after that I unexpectedly ran into him and he begged to get back together. It was a heartbreaking conversation, I was really upset, and I definitely didn't say the right things because I was unprepared for the encounter. The last thing I said to him was something like "I love you but we can't be together, please don't contact me" and walked away.

Since then I've been just awful. I am obsessed with the thought of writing him an email basically saying what I would have said to him if I hadn't been so upset in our last encounter. I feel like we don't have closure because I can't even remember everything I said to him. If there's any chance of a future for us I would want him to know the reasons I didn't take him back immediately, so if he wanted to work on his issues he could (wishful thinking I know). And I also want to apologize for the part I played in the demise of the relationship, and let him know I will always care about him and treasure the good times we spent together, and that I am working on myself so I can deal with my own issues.

Is writing such an email a terrible idea or a good idea? If terrible, why? If good, is there anything I should/shouldn't write?

Thanks so much for the advice.

[Vindi]

you have to decide if you want to be with him or not... . if you do, then contact him let him know how you feel, and maybe set some new boundaries if you want to reconnect the relationship... . otherwise, if you truly want NO contact, stick with that... . breakups are never ever easy, and from reading NO contact (if that is what you choose) is the best closure.

Just think things over and take the next step, and be true to yourself! best of luck!