For the pwBPD that realizes they are causing thier issues...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I think it would be easier to make up my decision if my girlfriend was not accepting of her issues.  If there was no inkling that she knew her behavior was hurtful to me or others, I'd be gone.  But today was weird.  She was all down because she thought she was rude to a friend, then obsessed over that, the she remarked how she is a mean person and too negative and nobody likes her.  Then she asked me if I thought she was too mean, then questioned herself as to shy she hates everyone.  She also talked about having a history of dating the wrong kind of men, and how she is sad about everything. 

She also now worries that she is ruining my life, costing me money, keeping me from being social.  She has recently apologized for her behavior during the beginning of the relationship, even asking me why I didn't break up with her.

This was much different than a few months ago when she talked about how everyone had abandoned her, how everyone hated her for no reason, how everyone was mean to her.  She's gone from blaming the external to examining the internal. She's been seeing therapists, including a DBT therapy group, and on medications. 

For those of you that have seen positive changes in your pwBPD, does my gf's current inward focused behavior sound  like progress, or is this just part of the BPD cycle?  Since she has been in and out of therapy for two decades, I can't imagine she hasn't examined her internal self yet.

[maxsterling]

I think it would be easier to make up my decision if my girlfriend was not accepting of her issues.  If there was no inkling that she knew her behavior was hurtful to me or others, I'd be gone.  But today was weird.  She was all down because she thought she was rude to a friend, then obsessed over that, the she remarked how she is a mean person and too negative and nobody likes her.  Then she asked me if I thought she was too mean, then questioned herself as to shy she hates everyone.  She also talked about having a history of dating the wrong kind of men, and how she is sad about everything. 

She also now worries that she is ruining my life, costing me money, keeping me from being social.  She has recently apologized for her behavior during the beginning of the relationship, even asking me why I didn't break up with her.

This was much different than a few months ago when she talked about how everyone had abandoned her, how everyone hated her for no reason, how everyone was mean to her.  She's gone from blaming the external to examining the internal. She's been seeing therapists, including a DBT therapy group, and on medications. 

For those of you that have seen positive changes in your pwBPD, does my gf's current inward focused behavior sound  like progress, or is this just part of the BPD cycle?  Since she has been in and out of therapy for two decades, I can't imagine she hasn't examined her internal self yet.

[hergestridge]

My BPDw had been where your GF is. Sadly, there was soon a backlash and now she pretends like she had no mental illness and that the "confessional" conversations we had never took place.

Don't confuse what you're seeing with "progress" even thought it may feel validating for you as a partner and caretaker.

[Tyrwhitt]

I think I've stayed in this marriage for 19 years as for the first 16 or so, my h continually showed insightfuness to himself and sought either to sort himself out or get counselling and meds. Nothing helped, we have s spiralled from one phase t o another, each time eroding any togetherness til there's nothing left but him and his illness.  My personal pain is irrelevant to him and the mind games take all the resilience you can muster. My optimism, my age, my love of my house and friends around me keep me here. If I was 20 years younger, I might think differently.

I prefer to see it now not as progress but management of it at that moment in time. It gets worse, THe Hater phase of the illness is cold and callous and it comes, like a trickle over years and years.  If you can manage yourself with your head ruling your heart and manage this whilst being on the rollercoaster, the progress is one of self learning rather than progress in the relationship.

[SweetCharlotte]

Real progress in your case might be more concrete, like her getting and holding a job for a certain length of time. I would put more faith in what she is willing and able to DO for you and for herself.

[DiamondSW]

I remember my BPDexgf actually referring to herself as 'acting really lazy' as we walked through Regents Park together.

I was shocked -because it was the 1st time that she realised that she'd made almost no effort to get a job in months and months... . didn't even type a CV.

The next day it was as if the words never exited her mouth.

Totally forgotten moment in history! whoossssh... . gone. 

6mths later, still no job and relying on her mother.  Wonder if the initial sentence will ever cross her mind again?