BPD Husband opened his own account.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Okay... . some background. Husband has the typical BPD behavior we all deal with. Related to this post, it's been the constant threats about money... . I stay at home with his kids and mine (4 total) but I went back to school a year ago- so then it started with "who's paying for this ___!" while throwing my books and papers all over the place about once a week.

January 10th, after 3 straight days of more threats and telling me I could "kiss all this ___ goodbye" while slamming the laptop closed and tossing my books more... . I opened my own bank account with my child support I get for my two kids. And I set it up so my monthly school costs come out of this account... . so now he isn't paying for my "___" and can't threaten me.

I told him about it, he flipped, threatened to open his own so he "can buy himself some ___ whenever he wants!"... . the usual BPD nonsense. Later he agreed I had been forced to open it, and we agreed that after ONE YEAR of no threats, I would close it and co-mingle the money again. Well he's threatened me with divorce twice since then.

Two days ago he flipped out and opened his own account. That was a deal breaker for me and he knew it. He has told me off, changed his mind, told me off, changed his mind and thinks I am the idiot for saying we're divorcing then when HE reneged on our agreement and now wants ME to be okay with HIM having an account that he will just blow money with... . ? Then he says "well then we can BOTH go close our accounts.

NO. This is a game. I said NOPE I am NOT renegotiating what we already agreed on. We can divorce then. He will not leave me alone now... . keeps texting me... .

Input?

[MyGreatEscape]

Okay... . some background. Husband has the typical BPD behavior we all deal with. Related to this post, it's been the constant threats about money... . I stay at home with his kids and mine (4 total) but I went back to school a year ago- so then it started with "who's paying for this ___!" while throwing my books and papers all over the place about once a week.

January 10th, after 3 straight days of more threats and telling me I could "kiss all this ___ goodbye" while slamming the laptop closed and tossing my books more... . I opened my own bank account with my child support I get for my two kids. And I set it up so my monthly school costs come out of this account... . so now he isn't paying for my "___" and can't threaten me.

I told him about it, he flipped, threatened to open his own so he "can buy himself some ___ whenever he wants!"... . the usual BPD nonsense. Later he agreed I had been forced to open it, and we agreed that after ONE YEAR of no threats, I would close it and co-mingle the money again. Well he's threatened me with divorce twice since then.

Two days ago he flipped out and opened his own account. That was a deal breaker for me and he knew it. He has told me off, changed his mind, told me off, changed his mind and thinks I am the idiot for saying we're divorcing then when HE reneged on our agreement and now wants ME to be okay with HIM having an account that he will just blow money with... . ? Then he says "well then we can BOTH go close our accounts.

NO. This is a game. I said NOPE I am NOT renegotiating what we already agreed on. We can divorce then. He will not leave me alone now... . keeps texting me... .

Input?

[Clearmind]

Separate accounts seems feasible given the situation.

What boundaries and limits do you set re: book throwing?

Do you talk/respond to him in the way you would like him to talk/respond to you?

[MyGreatEscape]

Hi Clearmind... .

With the exception of my few explosions, like this time, I am always uber-rational and calm about his outbursts. I realize he is realllllllly ill... . so I try to work with him and have him tell me "why" he thinks (pick an outburst) happened. The throwing books... . yeah, not really something I was able to control... . it only stopped when I opened my own account to pay for said books.

Now, him opening his own account... . yeah, we had agreed that me having one due to his threats was okay until he proved he would stop for one year, so him now doing it during an explosion, and considering that he blows money like most people drink water... . yeah... . this is a no-win situation. And, I feel like if I don't put my foot down to something he insisted on "having an agreement on" and he's now trashed that... . what kind of boundary is that... . or do I cave just to "save" our marriage?

Quiet honestly, if I won the lotto right now, he would never see me again... . so I am trying to rationalize how I can keep putting up with his habitual line-crossing and childish tantrums. Even my kids are hoping we suddenly come into some money... .

So do I cave on the account and insist on seeing transactions... . he will absolutely bury us in debt, no doubt. I just feel like he went back on his word and knew it was a deal-breaker... . like he wants to see if I will really go file "for a bank account" as he put it... . but to me, he KNEW that opening it could lead to losing his family... . so I dunno... . this BPD crap is just mind numbing... .