We've been trying to keep LC, but today I blocked phone calls/texts...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Even though we have tried to keep our communications related to just our children, every one of those conversations ends up in the same circular mess of push/pull, projection, and crazy-making.  He seems to only open the conversations with a question about one of the kids and then pushes that door further open to either bombard me with sad, sentimental texts, and when I don't give him the response he is looking for, then more diatribes about what a terrible person I am, my therapist knows nothing, his girlfriend is so much better than me in all ways, yada yada. 

Additionally, he totally ignores all requests I have made for help with our daughter's medical bills (she is 21 but is on my insurance.  I pay premiums and he offered to help pay the deductibles and co-pays in the past), or any help with one of our sons who is a recovering addict whom I support 100 percent.  In short, he gives me nothing but anxiety with his communications.

I have been hesitant to go completely NC because of the kids, but today I got a strong feeling that... . sheesh... . I am shouldering all of the burden of the kids anyway.  He is of absolutely no help in that regard.  He never calls them or offers any sort of a fatherly relationship with them directly; he only uses me as the middle person to open up the door of communication and then uses that contact with me to advance his agenda. 

Also, there is something in my core self that is strengthening, just maybe, that now I can do NC with a clear idea of going forward with truly detaching.  I guess it's about time. 

[Stjarna]

Even though we have tried to keep our communications related to just our children, every one of those conversations ends up in the same circular mess of push/pull, projection, and crazy-making.  He seems to only open the conversations with a question about one of the kids and then pushes that door further open to either bombard me with sad, sentimental texts, and when I don't give him the response he is looking for, then more diatribes about what a terrible person I am, my therapist knows nothing, his girlfriend is so much better than me in all ways, yada yada. 

Additionally, he totally ignores all requests I have made for help with our daughter's medical bills (she is 21 but is on my insurance.  I pay premiums and he offered to help pay the deductibles and co-pays in the past), or any help with one of our sons who is a recovering addict whom I support 100 percent.  In short, he gives me nothing but anxiety with his communications.

I have been hesitant to go completely NC because of the kids, but today I got a strong feeling that... . sheesh... . I am shouldering all of the burden of the kids anyway.  He is of absolutely no help in that regard.  He never calls them or offers any sort of a fatherly relationship with them directly; he only uses me as the middle person to open up the door of communication and then uses that contact with me to advance his agenda. 

Also, there is something in my core self that is strengthening, just maybe, that now I can do NC with a clear idea of going forward with truly detaching.  I guess it's about time.