GAL does not get her

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

How do I show this Guardian her  obvious Borderline traits? He seems to believe her twisted stories and lies. She continues to torcher me and my children, she refuses to follow the guidelines we agreed to regarding time with the children, and every day is hell. Guardian is suggesting MMPI test also, which I have mixed feelings about.

[Imreadytodate]

How do I show this Guardian her  obvious Borderline traits? He seems to believe her twisted stories and lies. She continues to torcher me and my children, she refuses to follow the guidelines we agreed to regarding time with the children, and every day is hell. Guardian is suggesting MMPI test also, which I have mixed feelings about.

[marbleloser]

"He seems to believe her twisted stories and lies"

There's your problem right there. He's probably a white knight. She knows she has to have him on her side,so she's playing the damsel in distress,and you're probably the most evil thing to walk the earth. Triangulation,and why I wouldn't have a GAL unless I was forced to.

Rule one: He's not your friend. He's not on your side. He's not going to see the things you do. He's supposed to be working for the kids. All you can do is what you're supposed to do.

Next: What is this "guideline we agreed to regarding time with the children"? Was it signed by a judge? If not,she can disagree any time she wants. Is there a visitation schedule,signed by the judge, anywhere?

[Imreadytodate]

Nothing from a Judge yet, this is just in place while GAL conducts his investigation. He must be able to pick up her Disorder, he is highly experienced therapist.

[marbleloser]

With no visitation schedule signed by the judge,she can change her mind at any time. So can you!

"He must be able to pick up her Disorder, he is highly experienced therapist"

How long did it take you to pick up on it? If she hides it from him and plays it cool,how will he know?

Don't tell him about her. Let him find out on his own. If he asks a question pertaining to her actions,answer it, but don't go into a meeting trying to point it out to him. Just be the best "You" you can be,and let him see that.

[Nope]

What I've found is focusing on her actions and how those actions directly impact the children is the best approach. Take stock of what evidence and documentation there is proving her actions.

She can say awful things about you all day. But if you can point to specific instances where the children have been negatively effected then you stand a better chance of being heard. Remember, badmouthing her back will get you absolutely nowhere.

[ForeverDad]

MMPI-2 is a comprehensive test and well respected.  However, it should not stand alone, it needs to be considered along with observations, sessions, etc.

I know with my custody evaluation the CE, a child psychologist, stated up front he wouldn't diagnose anyone but in his report he noted that Mother can't share 'her' Child but Father can.  So if your situation is similar, be sure your GAL sees that you are reasonable and your spouse is unreasonable.  Also try to get across that weak or minimal fixes - half measures - that tiptoe around the core issues will result in your case coming back to family court over and over.  Thirdly, you have learned she does not listen to you and she is unlikely to listen to any orders.  Expect that she will ignore or reinterpret any orders she doesn't agree with.  She will have to learn court and court orders are the authority, not her.

As Nope wrote, the GAL represents the children and so reporting her parenting behaviors and misbehaviors are key.  How stbEx treats you (adult behaviors) will be of much less concern unless you are berated and disparaged to the children or in front of them.

[bravhart1]

Just finished reading "Splitting" and ordered a copy for my attorney.

I highly suggest reading it for great ideas about how to explain her patterns without using the BPD label.

It will also give you great insight to the system, and how BPD's work or don't work in it.

[sanemom]

Our GAL, after almost four years, still believes her stories, unfortunately (based his recommendation on her UNPROVEN allegations of sexual abuse without ANY evidence whatsoever... . not even an outcry).  We even have an email where she told DH that she had been diagnosed with BPD.  He just doesn't get it... . she is too sweet.

We had to get other professionals on the case to start trumping the GAL... . it was our only hope.  His BPD ex is really good at finding negative advocates, and the GAL is definitely one.