I'm exhausted

[PyneappleDays]

I've been on this forum for quite a lot lately.  I'm exhausted.

My DS is 19 diagnosed with BPD at 16.  Is and is not in School.  Highschool 12 year program.  At 17 she ran away, couch surfing and living with friends.  For the last year she's been living with her bf (17) recently with his mother.  She's 11 weeks and with a lot of convincing in a teen unwed home.

My husband is fear mongering that with her antics CAS will take the child away the minute it's born and we will have to pay to get it back he heard it from a lawyer he bumped into.  CAS has an agenda to take the baby away as soon as possible.  We need to come up with a plan now because there will be more children if we try to adopt this one.   Yadaughtera yadaughtera yadaughtera.

Meanwhile I get a glimmer of hope she will be fine.  Today I get several phone calls she’s in pain and constipated.  Eat prunes, fruit grainy coffee a diuretic something natural. No she’s in pain.  She goes to the hospital.  Precedes to call and text me.

So I lose it and say “if this is the way you’re going to react to something as simple as constipation don’t get attached to the baby because they are going to take it, you can’t manage your life leave me alone for the rest of the week”

Now I just feel like crap.  This is why I did not want to tell anyone she was pregnant til I know how this is going unfold.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear pyneappledays

I am sorry you are having a bad day... . don't be too hard on yourself... . use this as a time to learn. What could you have said to her instead? How could you have been there for her and supported her but at the same time not rescue her from her problem of the moment?

During these times I will often ask my dd what she is planning to do? I like to try to put the ball in her court whenever I can. My dd texts me from school a lot... . I try not to respond if possible. sometime she is just asking a question but other times it is some drama of the moment.

I think it is alway good to look to see what tools you could have used and how you could of approached things differently BUT really this is not a time to beat yourself up... . you can always go back and tell her you are sorry... . model good behavior... . I am sure she would appreciate your apology.

[PyneappleDays]

Thanks

I did exactly was you described took a moment to rethink and cool off.  Called her and apologised.  We also discussed things a little further about the baby and stuff when at work demanding a response to her messages etc.

She apologized to for the way things unfolded.

PyneappleDays

[jellibeans]

That is great PyneappleDays!