Arn, you've worked very hard to come to this point. One of the positives of reaching a point of sadness is that the next stage is acceptance. What are a couple of things you are grateful for right now? What are some of the silver linings you see?
We're here for you.
I'm grateful for having her in my life. I'm grateful I learned who I was in all of this pain. I see how I triggered her working in a barroom. How that made her jealous and going to work for me was technically going out. I could drink behind the bar when I wanted to, and I would come home late.
I see how she triggered me and when I would try to get sober, she didn't want me to be and would say that she wanted to be able to drink a glass of wine and go out and she could no longer do those things... . so I said F- it! And drank.
I'm grateful that I know I can't have another sip of whiskey or drink another beer. I am grateful my son is in more peace today then he's ever been in. I'm grateful I know the exact nature of my problem, and although, I still work behind a bar, I'm done at the end of this season, and I am strong enough to walk away from it at the end of the night.
I could see her as an albatross or dead weight or someone who killed me deep inside. Or I could see her as a blessing. I don't know, man. I really do think that it's all in our perception, right?
I know how my life can be when I'm sober... . I got her to thank for finding myself in all this... . how can I not be thankful. My truth hit me square in the nuts and that truth hurts, but if I hadn't lost her, I'd still be drinking, lying about it, covering it up, and being the same old Arn.
I didn't like the old Arn. Never had, maybe, just maybe, I'll like the new one... . I'm my own replacement! Lol! I'm my own new and shiny!
Hahaha
