compassion versus self care

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I consider myself to be a compassionate, empathic person and most who know me as a friend and professional do as well…... I am having a very hard time understanding and practicing the line between compassion and self-preservation in my attempts to be NC with my exBPDbf.  I am about 5+ weeks out and have been trying to do LC, even though I wish he would just disappear.  The incessant texts, phone calls, emails, etc. have been difficult to deal with.  I want to be compassionate with him because I know the pain he is experiencing as a pwBPD and I don't want to hurt him more.  But I really want to say F**K OFF NOW AND FOREVER.  He does not respond to any "kind" restatement of that phrase.  What do I do?  How can I make him stay away and NOT hate me? I am afraid of his retaliation if he DOES completely paint me black, because my T agrees that he could turn physically violent, although this has never happened to date.

Basically….how do I FIRMLY state NC without hurting him more?  And do my feelings matter here?  Do I have the right to demand NC from someone so damaged?  I'm confused as to the kind thing to do….

[chillamom]

I consider myself to be a compassionate, empathic person and most who know me as a friend and professional do as well…... I am having a very hard time understanding and practicing the line between compassion and self-preservation in my attempts to be NC with my exBPDbf.  I am about 5+ weeks out and have been trying to do LC, even though I wish he would just disappear.  The incessant texts, phone calls, emails, etc. have been difficult to deal with.  I want to be compassionate with him because I know the pain he is experiencing as a pwBPD and I don't want to hurt him more.  But I really want to say F**K OFF NOW AND FOREVER.  He does not respond to any "kind" restatement of that phrase.  What do I do?  How can I make him stay away and NOT hate me? I am afraid of his retaliation if he DOES completely paint me black, because my T agrees that he could turn physically violent, although this has never happened to date.

Basically….how do I FIRMLY state NC without hurting him more?  And do my feelings matter here?  Do I have the right to demand NC from someone so damaged?  I'm confused as to the kind thing to do….

[trappedinlove]

From my experience with my daughter avoiding any sentiment might do the trick.

Be assertive and consistent in your response but show no emotion whatsoever.

I hope it helps.

[Aussie0zborn]

Chances are that if he doesn't get what he wants, he will paint you black regardless of what you do. I understand your concern that he might turn violent of you just tell him to f**k off so as already suggested, avoid sentiment and see if his interest in you wanes.

Please remember that he doesn't feel sorry for you or will ever show you any real empathy. Once he finds someone else he will likely disappear and when he re-engages you can then tell him to f**k off without feeling guilty and at this time he may well understand it...