Getting over the incredible sex

[Depression = 72% of members]

Is it always the hallmark of a rwBPD that they tell you its the best sex they've ever had.  My BPD ex would consistently tell me this, and I was there - I knew it was good.  I want to believe the sex was unique and special to her.  I want to believe she didn't spoonfeed that line to every guy she's been with.  Her friends often told me how she would always brag about our sex to them.  Maybe I shouldn't care, but I know the quality of our sex and chemistry was a major player in why we both stayed in such a troubled relationship.  She would often say to me "I wish the sex wasn't so good, because it's the only reason I'm still here"... . this was of course toward the end.  And then later she'd take it back and tell me she loved me.

Should I be convinced that every guy she has ever been with hears the same lines?

[JohnThorn]

Is it always the hallmark of a rwBPD that they tell you its the best sex they've ever had.  My BPD ex would consistently tell me this, and I was there - I knew it was good.  I want to believe the sex was unique and special to her.  I want to believe she didn't spoonfeed that line to every guy she's been with.  Her friends often told me how she would always brag about our sex to them.  Maybe I shouldn't care, but I know the quality of our sex and chemistry was a major player in why we both stayed in such a troubled relationship.  She would often say to me "I wish the sex wasn't so good, because it's the only reason I'm still here"... . this was of course toward the end.  And then later she'd take it back and tell me she loved me.

Should I be convinced that every guy she has ever been with hears the same lines?

[Fool for Love]

To be honest , what good would that do you. You really need to work on your feelings and heal yourself . You can't worry about trivial stuff like that . Instead of thinking about that , think about what you contributed along with her to the split . I know we can blame them all day long but something kept us there ... . You will drive yourself crazy wondering Bout what she has said or thinking... . you will never know . The sex with my ex was wonderful and the most passion I ever felt . When they leave you in an instant what does that tell you. Hang in there ... .

[JohnThorn]

To be honest , what good would that do you. You really need to work on your feelings and heal yourself . You can't worry about trivial stuff like that . Instead of thinking about that , think about what you contributed along with her to the split . I know we can blame them all day long but something kept us there ... . You will drive yourself crazy wondering Bout what she has said or thinking... . you will never know . The sex with my ex was wonderful and the most passion I ever felt . When they leave you in an instant what does that tell you. Hang in there ... .

She did leave in an instant, but any time we would run into eachother in person, she would instantly cling back. We could never make in person contact.  She would leave whoever she was with to be with me, but then quickly drift away.  It seems we had a very intense in-person magnetism, that if we went enough time not seeing eachother, she would forget.

[Changingman]

John,

A symptom of BPD is to mistake need for love. Emotions constantly changing, to manipulate and control frantic efforts to avoid abandonment or the feelings of abandonment.

The hyper sexuality is a way to own you, the best ever?

This is vanity John whether it is true or not. The poison of BPD seems to get into everything around them, I was amazed to look back on my relationship and realise she had bhited off everything and everyone. I still thought it was everyone else that were causing the never ending problems. But our sex life was full and exciting, kind of. This was a hook to keep you in the abuse I suspect. Mine would create crisis, betrayal and destruction then use her 2 certain drugs to pacify me... . crying then sex/pity, compassion then the high of fantasy sex. I could nearly forgive anything after those.

So yes she says it is the best sex ever, whatever to control you.

Changingman

[JohnThorn]

John,

A symptom of BPD is to mistake need for love. Emotions constantly changing, to manipulate and control frantic efforts to avoid abandonment or the feelings of abandonment.

The hyper sexuality is a way to own you, the best ever?

This is vanity John whether it is true or not. The poison of BPD seems to get into everything around them, I was amazed to look back on my relationship and realise she had bhited off everything and everyone. I still thought it was everyone else that were causing the never ending problems. But our sex life was full and exciting, kind of. This was a hook to keep you in the abuse I suspect. Mine would create crisis, betrayal and destruction then use her 2 certain drugs to pacify me... . crying then sex/pity, compassion then the high of fantasy sex. I could nearly forgive anything after those.

So yes she says it is the best sex ever, whatever to control you.

Changingman

Did your speak poorly of nearly everyone she was close to?

[Changingman]

No, not nearly everyone. EVERYONE. All clothed in different feelings and meanings. Anyone she didn't, wait a while.

I think it's the projecting their own negative emotions, someone has to be responsible for their darkness. Mine was useless at everything, so someone had to take responsibility for her failings. Empathy question everyone asks, no they have none. If empathy has any validity it is felt and has an effect on our behaviours.

[Changingman]

John,

Did you find yourself having slightly confusing conversations with people? There facial expressions not what you had expected, people saying or acting slightly odd around you. I remember saying to someone how I didn't like some of her coworkers, who she was now friendly with because they had turned against her. They hadn't! Stuff was being said to each of us that was different and poisonous, I didn't see the common thread was her!

[Surrender]

I know we want to believe so badly that they loved us and maybe still do. The truth is that it doesn't and can't matter because no matter how hard we tried it could never work. What ever spin you put on it the end result is that it is a ticket to hell and destruction, our hell and our own destruction. For them they will continue to find a different 'feeding supply' and it will be new and shiny and even exciting. They will thrive inside a new world where they will reinvent themselves and feel like they are actually growing.

The vicious cycle will repeat itself over and over again and soon they will have forgotten any 'actual feelings' that were attached to us. We will be some nostalgic memory because there are always remnants left and like a child remembering their favorite toy that is as close as they will come to truly having a 'love' even in memory. I don't know your ex but when I write I am referring to my ex and the things I have sadly discovered.

The best thing we can do is just move on and build new memories with healthy people, maybe even truly connect with another. We are so damaged that sometimes I think we hold on because we have forgotten what a normal base line looks like within a relationship dynamic. So we cling to bits and pieces that make us feel that it wasn't all futile and I'm sure all of it wasn't but does it really matter anymore? Wanting them more than anything won't change the fact that they are and never really were there but just passing by and getting a fix for a time.

[JohnThorn]

John,

Did you find yourself having slightly confusing conversations with people? There facial expressions not what you had expected, people saying or acting slightly odd around you. I remember saying to someone how I didn't like some of her coworkers, who she was now friendly with because they had turned against her. They hadn't! Stuff was being said to each of us that was different and poisonous, I didn't see the common thread was her!

Yes this did happen to me.  I know it confused people to find out she was with me, when she had told so many of her friends years prior that the very first time we had sex that I had raped her.  I didn't know about this until midway in our relationship.  Once in a while when she would get very upset about something she would refer to me as a rapist. It was bizarre.  The very first time we had sex was many years ago (long before our relationship)... . and it was an unpleasant experience for both of us, though certainly not rape.

The whole thing just blows me away.

[JohnThorn]

John,

Did you find yourself having slightly confusing conversations with people? There facial expressions not what you had expected, people saying or acting slightly odd around you. I remember saying to someone how I didn't like some of her coworkers, who she was now friendly with because they had turned against her. They hadn't! Stuff was being said to each of us that was different and poisonous, I didn't see the common thread was her!

Yes this did happen to me.  I know it confused people to find out she was with me, when she had told so many of her friends years prior that the very first time we had sex that I had raped her.  I didn't know about this until midway in our relationship.  Once in a while when she would get very upset about something she would refer to me as a rapist. It was bizarre.  The very first time we had sex was many years ago (long before our relationship)... . and it was an unpleasant experience for both of us, though certainly not rape.

The whole thing just blows me away.

Actually I will revise one thing I said above... . it was not an unpleasant experience for both of us... . a large portion of our relationship she would refer to our first time together as the most exciting sexual experience of her life, and admitted it was not rape... . and she would often say to me "i want you to 'rape' me like our first time" ... . again it was all very bizarre to me. 

[Changingman]

Yes the 'r' thing,

I have to say that I was somewhat uncomfortable with this. It came up some times as a direct request. I look back and can say I found our sex life a bit 'macabre'. Odd I've never used that word before. Sex with her always left me feeling a bit odd, questioning what I liked. Thought I had been the one to suggest these types of 'acts'. As most of the relationship I can now see the source. At the beginning it was much more of my desire I can see, slowly it became more hers.

[trappeddad]

This topic is very confusing me.     Even if the physical sex was great, if you want to leave the whole person, then it is just a physical thing.    Don't you want to be with the whole person?     My future lover(s) may not be as attractive as my ex, but I want to respect them first before sleeping with them.     Sex without liking your partner can get old quickly.      Please move on.     Get a healthy sex life, not just a physical sex life.