re joint session with dd & psychiatrist

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am the one whose dd25 has avoided contact with me for now 4 weeks and yet I have reached out a couple of times by text with short positive messages just to make sure she is aware that I am still concerned about her.  She surprised me by asking when my next session with my psychiatrist was and could she come.  I have replied yes of course; (will inform psychiatrist out of courtesy).  I am not sure what one session will do but I trust my psychiatrist (have been seeing him for over 6 years now) and know he won't let this session deteriorate into a beat-up mom session.  I am hopeful that something good will come out of this and this has been the first time she has agreed to see a professional with me.  I am not expecting any overnight miracles but what do others think?  I hope I am not setting myself up for a fall and she is going to use this session to sever our relationship forever.  No it can't be; that's just the pessimist in me speaking. Keeping my fingers crossed that we can mend fences a little.

[jeb]

I am the one whose dd25 has avoided contact with me for now 4 weeks and yet I have reached out a couple of times by text with short positive messages just to make sure she is aware that I am still concerned about her.  She surprised me by asking when my next session with my psychiatrist was and could she come.  I have replied yes of course; (will inform psychiatrist out of courtesy).  I am not sure what one session will do but I trust my psychiatrist (have been seeing him for over 6 years now) and know he won't let this session deteriorate into a beat-up mom session.  I am hopeful that something good will come out of this and this has been the first time she has agreed to see a professional with me.  I am not expecting any overnight miracles but what do others think?  I hope I am not setting myself up for a fall and she is going to use this session to sever our relationship forever.  No it can't be; that's just the pessimist in me speaking. Keeping my fingers crossed that we can mend fences a little.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MammaMia]

Jeb

I would check with your psychiatrist first before promising anything.  What goes on between you and your T is private.  I am not sure what your dd is hoping to accomplish, but I suspect she has an agenda.

Has she met with your T previously?

[suchsadness]

Hi Jeb,

I agree with MammaMia - about checking with your psychiatrist and then take their advice about brining your dd into a session.  I know you would want it to be a step in the right direction in opening up communication and working on having a better relationship with your dd, but as MammaMia said, she may have her own agenda.  It reminds me of when my BPD dd36 started her raging a couple of years ago and she said she would agree to talking to a professional with me.  She made an appointment (or at least she said she did) with a local T since I was coming from out of state.  The closer it got to actually going in and talking to the professional, the worse she treated me until finally she said she cancelled the appointment.  I think if you let your dd know that you need to check with your T and he or she doesn't recommend it at least she shouldn't be able to blame you if it doesn't pan out... . although we all know how the blame can always end up in our lap!

Good luck with your decision about this - and let us know what you decide and how it turns out. 

[peaceplease]

I can recall when my dd asked to  go to my therapist appointment with me. I called my former therapist, and she agreed.  My appointment was a group communication skills group.  My dd asked if she could arrange to see her and my therapist agreed to schedule an appointment.  My dd was a no show.  Then she called to schedule another appointment, and then cancelled.  My dd told me that she really didn't like this therapist.  My former therapist told me that she was pretty much convinced that my dd had BPD.

Did she tell you why she wants to see your psychiatrist with you?   I know that my dd would hope that someone would bash me, and tell her that it is all my fault. 

[jeb]

I appreciate everyone's input.  No, she has not told me why she wants to meet with my T.  The meeting is definitely on because I see him regularly every 3 or 4 weeks and am scheduled to see him on Monday April 28th.   I have left him a voice mail message saying that my daughter wants to come along.  She will not allow me to give her a ride and she doesn't know where his office is so I gave her directions (has her own car).   Yes she has met him, when I was in hospital in August 2012 on what we call here in my province a Form 1 (held for 72 hours before release).  At that time she took control of the conversation saying that as as she was going back into nursing that September, she didn't want to have to worry about me.  I remember saying very little.  I am hoping that she wants ideas for how we can get along better; my T won't let the session deteriorate into a mom-bashing session but since she is coming on her own and SHE IS ALWAYS LATE who knows how much of the session she will be there for.  Part of me is still afraid that she is setting me up for a final goodbye and she wants to do it with my T present so he can pick up the pieces and put me (Humpty Dumpty) back together again.  I have to hope that she really wants an opportunity to make things better but I am scared.  Besides he has yet to respond (doesn't do therapy on Wednesdays) so am waiting for a call back for the green light from him as to whether he will go along with her presence. Will keep everyone posted after Monday's session. I really appreciate the concern because I too have my doubts!

[jellibeans]

jeb

Go into to this with an open mind and I might just do a lot of listening and say very little. Be prepared to validate her so she know she is heard and maybe that is all she is looking for... . a platform for her voice to be heard. Try to think back to that letter... .

Acceptance-Acknowledgement Declaration

I never knew how much pain you were in. I never knew how much you suffered. I must have said and done so many things to hurt you because I did not understand or acknowledge your pain. I am so sorry. It was never my intention to cause you pain. What can we do now to improve our relationship?