She's back again further update

[Senata48]

     A lot has happened since my last post. SIL and step grandson have been back since Aug. Step grandson is in a school for children with behavior problems.(fighting,lying,and being disrespectful to teachers)Its normal for a kid from his background.

     They are in the process of adopting the baby of an acquaintance.(new boyfriend was more important than the baby,especially since it was a girl) With the help of an adoption attorney and a sympathetic social worker,they managed to pass the homestudy.The baby was born early Christmas Eve.They were in the delivery room when she was born.(SIL said when the baby started crying, the mother covered her ears and ordered them to get the baby out of the room)The baby went directly into a hospital room with my daughter and SIL and they stayed with her until she was released. The mother signed a release the same day and the alleged father never showed up.(in our state the mother has 5 days to change her mind and the father has 30 days to sign the register) The baby is doing great,and they are just waiting for a court date.So far step grandson loves his little sister and my daughter seems happier.                                                                                                          Things were going pretty well until they started having financial problems.Step grandson was getting SSI dissability because of his behavior problems, which make it difficult for my SIL to work.(he was staying home with the baby and dealing with his son) Their food stamp allowance has been cut by about two thirds because the state is counting the SSI as income. Then when SIL went to get SSI money from the bank,the card he was issued had a block on it.(the card had been issued in his son's name and his son is a minor)SSI is now reevaluating the situation so they don't know when of how much they will be getting.SIL recently was able to get his drivers license back and decided to try to get his CDL to drive a truck.I got a break on my income tax and was able to pay for him to start school.I think SIL has had enough of government hand outs and good for him.

     Now comes the problem with my daughter. Her father left her 11,000 dollars which I had to let her have when she reached 21.My financial advisor and I basically tricked her into investing 6,000 dollars into an account that would give her monthly distributions for 7 years.(the rest of the money was gone within 2 weeks)Well,seven years are up and she wants her money.I have been begging her reinvest the money because it was giving her a little extra income.I even offered to give her some more money on the condition that she would invest it.She wanted to keep 1,000 dollars to pay for the trip to my SIL's niece's wedding this Summer. Then she wanted 3,500 dollars so she could pay off some bills.(it seems that they have bought some foolish things they can't afford and are in a bind) I found out from the financial advisor that she will not be getting the money back in a lump sum. The company is liquidating its assets and will be paying her back over the next 2 years.My daughter is raging that we stole her money.I have a significant amount of money invested with this company and have been warned that we may not get it all back.I promised her that I would make sure they had the money for the trip, and that she will eventually get back the rest of her investment.Her latest demand was for 1,400 dollars.

   With paying for the adoption,SIL's driving school,a new refrigerator,and major ac repairs my emergency reserves are almost exhausted.She is very spoiled,but I still feel guilty because I got her into this investment.I'm debating as to whether I should agree to pay off some of the bills directly so things don't get repossed. They have both been working so hard and she did have a plan,it just backfired on them. Thanks for letting me vent and I welcome any advice in dealing with this.

                                                                Senata48

                                                 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[manicmuse]

I would help them. They are working towards goals (Id give my right arm if my DD and SIL were doing anything except sitting in their room doing drugs all day)

I wouldnt want her to start thinking whats the point?

Things do happen in life, I would show her letters etc to prove what you are saying is true, even the transfer of her money to that company.

ANd then explain things happen in life, and your money is tied up there also.

ANd that you will help her, and remind her you have been helping, and you always will when you can.

I hope you feel better.

[RockLady]

HI,

This is a difficult situation to wrestle with.  Money given to them disappears so quickly and then they need more.  They have spent beyond their means despite having limited income.  You have been more than generous, helping son-in-law with CDL license, and more.

First is to protect yourself financially.  Your emergency reserves are for you.  You need to be prepared to take care of your own needs and emergencies. 

About the investment money - there isn't much you can do about it if she is demanding to have it now.  She will have to abide by the company's disbursement schedule.  Can the Financial advisor talk to her himself and give her options for reinvesting - maybe for the baby's benefit, retirement, etc?

I had a very similar situation with my BPDd when she was 17.  She was left some money from a relative which was way too much for a 17 year old BPD to handle.  It would have been gone in a heartbeat.  We used a financial advisor that got her to sign the account over to me.  I have the money in trust for her and it has doubled in value over the last 10 years.  She still goes into tantrums and demands her money saying we stole it, etc.  Right now she lives with her father and me so her expenses are minimal.  If the money were in her name, she would not be able to collect SSDI and it would be gone. 

Good luck and remember to put your needs first!

RockLady