Think My Daughter-In-Law Has BPD?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

This has been a hell of a week. My son and his wife have been married for 10 months, she is five months pregnant. They have lived in Florida their whole marriage. She began to act increasingly unhappy and wanted to move back to Arkansas to be around her family. My son was concerned because her family is very controlling (they are pastors). They had been getting counsel from the pastors where they go to church and she seemed to be going along with everything. Last week she had a panic attack and my son consoled her and prayed for her and she calmed down. Her parents drove down a couple of days later saying they were coming for a visit. They began to be very hostile toward my son. Her father pushed my son and threatened to punch him; they announced they were taking their daughter home with them. My son is devastated. He is a sweet guy and has not lifted a hand to her, is working, and no substance abuse problems.

He has told her he doesn't want to move to Arkansas, that they need to work on their marriage. She is telling him that moving to Arkansas is the only option for her, she will not come back to Florida. He feels like he is being manipulated and treated unfairly. Has anyone else been in this situation?

[dealingwithit]

This has been a hell of a week. My son and his wife have been married for 10 months, she is five months pregnant. They have lived in Florida their whole marriage. She began to act increasingly unhappy and wanted to move back to Arkansas to be around her family. My son was concerned because her family is very controlling (they are pastors). They had been getting counsel from the pastors where they go to church and she seemed to be going along with everything. Last week she had a panic attack and my son consoled her and prayed for her and she calmed down. Her parents drove down a couple of days later saying they were coming for a visit. They began to be very hostile toward my son. Her father pushed my son and threatened to punch him; they announced they were taking their daughter home with them. My son is devastated. He is a sweet guy and has not lifted a hand to her, is working, and no substance abuse problems.

He has told her he doesn't want to move to Arkansas, that they need to work on their marriage. She is telling him that moving to Arkansas is the only option for her, she will not come back to Florida. He feels like he is being manipulated and treated unfairly. Has anyone else been in this situation?

[ForeverDad]

Well, on a legal basis, it takes 6 months to establish residency.  If he's been in Florida as a Florida resident, then custody issues are dealt with in Florida.  If she goes to another state then in 6 months she will have established residency in that other state and she has the option to file there in her new area if she chooses to legally separate, divorce, file for child support, etc.  So a couple questions are (1) what realistic expectation does he really have for the future of his marriage and (2) does he want to try to keep jurisdiction in Florida or risk a case in another state?

It's possible that he may not end up getting or keeping FL as the children's home state, but he can sure try.

It probably is time for legal consultations, not just with a Florida family law attorney but also one in the other state.  He needs to know what his legal options are ahead of time so he can pick his options rather than having them chosen for him.

Did he get the FIL's threats documented with witnesses or recorded?  I doubt it, effective controllers usually know when it's 'safe' to push, pressure and threaten.

Edit:  While prayers help, it is not the practical all-encompassing answer, afterward the individuals can still be suffering from whatever affliction.  It all hinges on whether the other person is listening and responding.  In my case, my ex and I had spent the first 8 years of our marriage in religious volunteer work, we had to leave it because of her mysterious ailments and her friction with other volunteers.  A few years later I thought having children would make her happier.  Wrong, it only complicated everything custody-wise and gave her someone to choose over me.  With a Black OR White disorder, it was easy for our preschooler son to become the Golden Child and I was morphed into the Blackened Dad.  I had to step way from being an elder and soon we separated and had high conflict divorce and post-divorce.  Sadly, acting out Cluster B personality disorders (such as Borderline, Narcissistic, Histrionic, AntiSocial, Paranoid) can't always be soothed by religious efforts.  Also, logic and reasoning are largely ineffective when dealing with these acting-out PDs, the person's rewriting of history, emotionally warped cognition, negative advocates, etc, all make mutually agreeable solutions nearly impossible.