I took the step

[Aussie JJ]

Well,

I've done a lot of soul searching and had a lot of advice.  I know a lot of my faults from this process and I am so determined to change them. 

I have been fluctuating between telling her my thoughts and trying to save the relationship and everything in between.  I have had a lot of external preasure from friends and family about what I should do.  My P has been quite good in saying I should do whatever I can live with and know to be correct for me and my son. 

Today I took that step.  Normally I'm in the leaving board.  Today I'm here as the next couple days will have a huge impact on everything.  I was up front today, told her how the cards were.  I used SET and DEARMAN to communicate two things.  Then let her do some talking.  I then called all her behaviours and validated the ___ our of her feelings, it was meant to be a 5 minute convo that went nearly an hour.  Neither of us blew up and it was semi constructive.  I feel like the monkey is lifted off my back, I was open and honest with all of my issues.  Then empathetic with hers.  She said I have never been diagnosed with BPD and I said if you have been they wouldn't have told you but I know it to be true and I believe you do as well.  She went dead quite. 

I then said have the weekend to think about it and I will send you an e-mail on Monday.  I know this is safer as her dad will be there on Monday, he is her enabler so that could cause her to blow up but at least she will have the support their.  If she does blow up at least he cops it and not our son. 

I am so exhausted but so happy to be honest and open.  I have suppressed my feelings for so long in life and particularry the last 4 months and accepted other people telling me what to do or what is best.  If this blows up on me the  it is on ME.  If it works out then I have acted ethically and either way been open about the issue. 

I have to say I am emotionally spent from worrying constantly but feel so much better that I have done this and it isn't playing on my mind. 

Wish me luck, more to the point wish her luck, hopefully she acknowledges the problem and tries to fix it for our son. 

[Fanie]

How r things now between you ?