I agree with your assessment. The further I have gotten from this "ambush"... . and after talking with my Pastor today... . I now am putting this T in one of two categories. Complete quack or very skillful. He is 75 years old, phd... . been around... . I'm doubting quack. Although I haven't experience what I think the method he was using for family T... . never done full family T before.
Here is my Pastors take on it. He talked to everyone in room... . saw who was being reasonable and who wasn't... and more importantly trying to take the temperature of who is ready to change... . or maybe more importantly who can change in the situation.
Because overall the goal is to take a family dynamic that is "stuck" and that is clearly not working... . and get it to change. Does't mean it gets fixed on first change... . but somehow change the dynamic and see what happens.
Back to saying things in front of wife. That is another thing that ticked my off about initial DSS interview. We were informed of decision... . not really interview and no chance to chat 1 on 1. So any concern I raised was in front of wife. I don't think any major damage done... but... . that still was uncomfortable. I'm positive that anything I said ... she has heard before... . but lots of things she forgets.
Formflier, I'm gonna be blunt: I think you are going about this wrong.
I think you are trying to PROVE that your wife was being unreasonable in how she was fighting with you, in front of your kids and this T.
I see three problems--one, it is hard to prove what your wife was thinking. "he said" "she said" arguments aren't very convincing. (And bringing up recordings of her in the middle of these won't help either) Two, It is very hard to prove the absence of something. (i.e. you weren't having an affair)
And most importantly, nothing good will come of talking about her unsubstantiated, untrue accusations against you.
The best thing you can do is JADE. This isn't a criminal courtroom, where providing doubt will stop you from being convicted. In front of your family and a counselor, JADEing doesn't look good, even if what you say is true!
The worse thing is that her side could seem more credible than yours.
Nothing good will can possibly come of this for you.
I'd recommend you lower your expectations for this family counseling: It *isn't* going to change your wife's mind about stuff, so stop working on that at least for now. Instead, think damage control.
What can you do in these sessions that won't make anything worse?
I would still be truthful, and might even be somewhat vulnerable... . however I think you are in the midst of a parental alienation type skirmish with your wife in this T session--Your wife seems to be showing little effort toward making things work with you in her actions.
You might state that your wife kept you up all hours of the night fighting with you when you were having those PTSD problems, and you no longer let her have these fights when you need to get your sleep. In your shoes, I would probably refuse to bring up what these fights were about right now.
*IF* your wife brings up the topic of these fights, then you have to respond, and you should think about what you will say then.