Custody/Visitation with no attorney

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've had several consultations with attorneys about my situation - I'm trying to get a custody agreement worked out along with visitation and child support before I can file for a divorce next year.  Most of the attorneys have had good advice and have helped walk me through what this process will involve.  However, I do not have the $10,000 needed to retain any of them.  so it looks like I'll have to go through this court process alone which is terrifying.  My stbBPDxh is unemployed so I don't think he'll have representation either.  I'm so worried about the lies he'll spread in court and being prepared to refute everything.

Has anyone here had experience (hopefully success) going through court proceedings against a BPDx without representation?

[SierraRiley]

I've had several consultations with attorneys about my situation - I'm trying to get a custody agreement worked out along with visitation and child support before I can file for a divorce next year.  Most of the attorneys have had good advice and have helped walk me through what this process will involve.  However, I do not have the $10,000 needed to retain any of them.  so it looks like I'll have to go through this court process alone which is terrifying.  My stbBPDxh is unemployed so I don't think he'll have representation either.  I'm so worried about the lies he'll spread in court and being prepared to refute everything.

Has anyone here had experience (hopefully success) going through court proceedings against a BPDx without representation?

[catnap]

You might want to call your local Domestic Violence center to see what they can offer in the way of assistance or ideas.

They might be able to point you to some free or low cost legal help.   

[Matt]

I had no attorney for the first few months, and a bad one for a few months, and then a good one.

I think you could turn this to your advantage (but it will take a lot of work).

What you're doing so far - talking to several attorneys to learn what you can without giving them a retainer - is a good start.

You can also talk to people at the courthouse to learn about the process and get the forms.  They can't give you legal advice but if you're nice to them they can probably help you in some ways.

There may also be legal aid available, or a lawyer available through a women's shelter.  It's worth asking.

If neither of you has an attorney, that might keep things simpler, and if you do a lot of research and prepare carefully you might get good results.

You'll need to understand the steps of the process very well, and find examples of all the documents so you can make sure to prepare them right.  Lots of people get divorced without attorneys, so this is all possible, just might be a lot of work.

Along the way, you can figure out the best approach for custody etc., and prepare the documents accordingly.  You can consult with your husband, when the time is right, and consider his thoughts, but if you prepare the documents you can do it your way.

You can start now to gather the right evidence.  Some states have guidelines for custody - several factors which the court is supposed to take into account - if you find those you can look for evidence for each factor.  If you can't find any evidence that you think is strong, you have time to figure that out, so when you file the papers your evidence will be very good, and courts like to make decisions based on evidence.

Or... . you might hold some of the evidence back til later in the process, so your husband won't feel that he needs to gather stuff up too.  Find out if you have to attach everything when you first file - probably not - or if you can wait til a few weeks before the trial.

Most cases settle before trial, and that saves time, money and stress.  But if you and your husband are at odds, it may be hard to get a settlement.  You might find a mediator much cheaper than two lawyers, or the court may be willing to appoint a mediator.  Where I live you get three sessions for free.  If you plan carefully that might be plenty of time;  or if your husband won't budge you can let him know you are prepared to go to trial and win, so it will be in his interest to settle with the mediator.

[Matt]

You might want to call your local Domestic Violence center to see what they can offer in the way of assistance or ideas.

They might be able to point you to some free or low cost legal help.   

Yes, if you can get help without making any accusations that you aren't prepared to make, that would be ideal.

I think DV centers like to find ways to prevent DV, not just deal with it later, and figuring out a good way to end the marriage will help avoid situations where DV might happen... .