New to being a parent of a BPD child

[chasing syd]

Hi! I have a 15 year old daughter who was recently diagnosed with BPD. I posted my story in the new members section. To give you the short version, my daughter recently came to live with me and my husband after living with her father for 8 years. She was fine for a few weeks, then the rug got pulled out from under us. She has a lot of Munchausen and self injury tendencies. We are concerned with how far is she willing to go as she continues to escalate these behaviors. I try to treat her as normal as possible, like enrolling her in dance, allowing her to volunteer herself at church, etc. But I'm petrified to let her out of the house because she may pull something and have an event with others.

We found out that while she lived with her dad, he didn't really take good care of her. It wasn't from a lack of knowledge, but flat out laziness as he had no problem focusing on women and their children. I feel horrible for that because she didn't deserve that, but I had no clue he was treating her that way.

My daughter is on medications, unfortunately she is just starting out so we haven't had a lot of time to see if they work for her. I don't want to leave her treatment and future to just her meds/therapy and need help with supporting her and guiding her. I'm racing against the clock because she is almost 16 and in roughly two years will be an legal adult that can make her own choices regarding her medical and mental health care. I need to learn and teach her as much as I can to try and help her be not only a successful teenager with BPD, but a successful adult living in the world on her own as a person who has BPD.

I'm looking forward to meeting new people who have experienced what we have and can help us learn and understand this new life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

Hello chasing Syd

I am glad you have found this site. My own DD was an adult by the time I arrived here and I have still found it extremely helpful. If I had discovered this help when she was a teenager I think I would have avoided many mistakes.

A good place to start is reading through the lessons "What Can a Parent Do" at the top of the page.

I also found reading Valerie Porr's book "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder very helpful.

Do post more and tell us which specific issues you are most struggling with.

In my case using validation and modifying my own communication style has helped.

I know other posters have experience in dealing with exaggeration of physical symptoms and seeking medical attention. I think validation of the feelings may be key.

[jellibeans]

Dear Chasing Syd

I want to welcome you here and tell you how sorry your dd is struggling right now. I want to encourage you to read the articles on the right in the sidebar... . very helpful. I agree with lever and your dd needs validating. Also the book Overcoming BPD by Valerie Porr is one book I found the most help in.

Can you tell us a bit more about what your dd is struggling with right now? Cutting? SI?

Is your dd seeing a therapist? I would recommend her seeing a DBT therapist. Do you think your dd is having a hard time transistioning to your home? What was contact like before she came to live with you? Please posting we are here for you

[chasing syd]

Hi! Thanks so much for responding!

Right now, she is struggling more with self injury. She does occasionally cut, but is more into the si of this.

My ex husband, pardon my French, is an ass. He used my kids as a tool to hurt me. I barely got to talk to her. I called and traveled to her all the time to see her, but he would never answer the phone. On the rare occasion that he would talk to me, he would call back after she was in bed. So our communication was small.

At first I thought it could be adjustment issues, but how long do I keep saying that to myself before it is an excuse on my part.

She also goes from euphoria to rage quickly. Her maturity level is that of her age when her dad and I separated, which was 7. It's like she gets overly needy (not that I mind the extra lovings) but will turn around and get hormonal like a typical teenage girl! Lol I see so much potential in her.

She made one friend, also a lot like her, but she seems to be further along in her therapy and can handle things, where my daughter is in the beginning. Her friend is very sweet and understanding of her. She really tries to help her act more on a teenage level.

What exactly is validating? I'll start looking up the links and get reading. It looks like I have a lot of reading and learning to do!

[chasing syd]

Forgot to add, yes she is seeing a therapist. She specializes in children with PTSD , BPD, and similar mood disorders. She does a lot of play therapy too.