anyone help me?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

this is the first time  have come across this site but have been reading about BPD disorder for quite sometime now. I am currently involved with a man who has BPD. I am at a personal low right now because after all of the lies and infidelity he finally broke me by getting one of his "other women" pregnant. He says now that he will do anything to make things right ... . get help and marry me to secure the relationship. He feels that marriage will ensure he does not cheat (to me that is just words). I love this man whole heartedly and i dont know how to move on. He was my rock for along time and even after he was unmasked i supported him and wanted him to get well. I am afraid to move forward. i was supposed to relocate to be with him this year and now plans are on hold. He wants me to forgive him and stand by him while he tries to make himself well. I am scared and need advise. i am sure you all can agree that believing the lies can sometimes become comforting.

please any help would be appreciated.

[loveyou2]

this is the first time  have come across this site but have been reading about BPD disorder for quite sometime now. I am currently involved with a man who has BPD. I am at a personal low right now because after all of the lies and infidelity he finally broke me by getting one of his "other women" pregnant. He says now that he will do anything to make things right ... . get help and marry me to secure the relationship. He feels that marriage will ensure he does not cheat (to me that is just words). I love this man whole heartedly and i dont know how to move on. He was my rock for along time and even after he was unmasked i supported him and wanted him to get well. I am afraid to move forward. i was supposed to relocate to be with him this year and now plans are on hold. He wants me to forgive him and stand by him while he tries to make himself well. I am scared and need advise. i am sure you all can agree that believing the lies can sometimes become comforting.

please any help would be appreciated.

[Forestaken]

Leave him.  I just divorced a BPDw.  I learned the hard way that peace without her is better than the drama with her.

Don't lose years, months or even minutes with him.  I know that they make you feel great but as time passes, they will separate you from your friends and family until you are an isolated victim.  Just read the posts here.

[woodsposse]

Hi and welcome to the site.

You are at the right place among great people who totally understand where you are at and what you are going through.

so know that you are not alone.

I, personnaly, wouldn't offer advice on whether to stay or go, but I will suggest at this point to walk into a marriage with this degree of chaos will only mean it will get worse. There are no maybes about it.

my concern is for you and your wellness... . both emotionally and physically. You should focus a little on you and what you need to be happy.

Remember... . your happiness starts and ends with you.

[loveyou2]

thank you both... . its so hard to swallow ... sometimes my head spins and the pain is so horrible that i cant sleep. its pretty crazy the way he reacts to all of this also. I  basically get the "you knew i was a mess" i guess to excuse the behavior...

i appreciate your responses. and i am really going to try to be strong.

[enlighten me]

Hi Loveyou2

Its scary leaving them but the relief when you do is amazing. Im not saying that as soon as you go your back to your old self. It will take a while for the scars they have inflicted on you to heal and some probably wont. It is worth it just to be able to breath again. You don't realise how your body was reacting to timings. The school run when I had half an hour to relax, the shopping trip when I knew I would have at least an hour where I didn't have to be on my guard. Bed time. Then the dread times of she will be getting up soon and the panic starts again.

Everyones circumstances are different but for me theres no looking back. Yes I might get sucked back in for a quick recycle but I hope I am strong enough not to.

[enlighten me]

I forgot to add the you knew I was a mess comment rings true as my ex used to tell me that I knew she was hard work. That is about as close to an apology as I ever got and probably ever will.