About them?

[FigureIt]

So I'm 40 and my sex drive and such has dropped. I think I am perimenapausal. My uBPDbf doesn't believe me until he talks to his counselor & she agrees. But then it is all about him. How do you make hormonal changes in a woman about you? Really?

He actually said his counselor said I should go on estrogen. I told him I will deal with what I have before taking something that might cause cancer.

All about him getting satisfied! No care really for me.

[OutOfEgypt]

Yes.  Pretty much.  Was very similar for me with my ex wife.

I was told on more than one occasion that if I ever had some kind of accident or something the inhibited sexual function that she would "still love" me but would leave me.  "Sorry... I couldn't do it" she said.  One time a while later I confronted her on it, and she said she was "only kidding" -but that was a lie, and I could see it in her eye.  It was more that she didn't want to admit that she is that shallow and selfish.

Of course, that really hurt me, because I love/loved her.  If she was somehow incapacitated and in a wheelchair, I would have never left her.  I would have taken care of her and wheeled her out onto the front porch and sat her in the porch swing with me every morning.  And I would have done it gladly.

Their needs will always demand rulership over the relationship... . and that is because their needs have rulership over them.  It really is all about their satisfaction.  And it always will be, sorry to say.


Part of what sucks is that we get so jaded by people like this that we believe that real love doesn't exist.  We believe that we have to perfect ourselves, fix ourselves, and cater to selfish people, in order to get the kind of "love" that we want.  We no longer really believe that anybody would really want us just for the light that we have inside.  But that's a lie.  And in indulging that lie, we lose both the love we desire and ourselves in the process.

[FigureIt]

I would agree with at the beginning when he would rage at me and tell me all the "wrong things with me" I tried to figure out how to fix myself. Not anymore! I'm good with who I am, h can accept it or leave it, I've decided I'm good enough and there isn't me that needs fixing.  Even the hormonal changes I can accept and manage. It's not about him.

I don't figure our relationship to survive, now that I'm removing my codependency. And I'm good with that.