BPD Exception?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I posted majority of this in my introduction and was told I should post on the "staying" board but right now I am very undecided.

I have been in a relationship with a male who has been diagnosed BPD.  He took the initiative to receive help and get a diagnosis.  I was thoroughly impressed with this, as I understand most will not seek help.

Our relationship has been filled with ups and downs, luckily no infidelity, but the normal fears of abandonment, need for constant reassurance, verbal abuse(followed by apologies), etc.  Like many others, when it is good it is absolutely amazing.  He has one of the best relationships with his family and child I have ever seen.  He is extremely attractive and intelligent, therefore it is hard for me to comprehend the insecurities.

We experienced the overwhelming and incredible feelings for each other right off the bat.  Then I found out about a few red flags; lies about previous relationships, use of prescription pills(in excess), financial hardships, and emotional instability.  Through all of this I do feel like he 100% is committed to me, which I realize is very rare as well.  He can be so extremely loving, yet tear me completely apart 30 minutes later.  The emotional roller coaster took a huge toll on me.  Being the female, I am not used to having to be the one "in charge" essentially, whether financially, emotionally, or for general support.  It is hard to think that I would not be able to adequately depend on my partner.  I am successful and do not need anyone to take care of me, especially financially, but I also don't need someone bringing me down and interfering with my career.  Which yes the hours and being away poses challenges for a relationship with someone with BPD I have realized.

Through our time together I have established a relationship with his family which I have never experienced before.  I love them all and have been able to reach out to them during these critical times of need.  Yes, there have been threats of hurting himself.  Never has he threatened to hurt me though.  Verbal abuse and "you don't love me" are frequent though.  Constantly having my efforts shot down and being cussed out repeatedly have me wondering if I should stay.  Is there actually an exception to those with BPD?  Many family and friends have already wrote him off, due to seeing the comments and roller coaster present.  I know that gaining their trust back at this point seems impossible, but yes I still hold out hope.

Can you have a successful long term relationship?  I have always been a fighter and do not like giving up.  But I can only fight an uphill battle for so long.  I do feel lucky he has chosen to get help on his on and is actively seeking treatment.  But I do question the longevity of it.

I am reading articles and posts on here, which I have found to be very helpful so far.  Trying to educate myself more and it is nice to know that I am not alone in this struggle.

[spark10]

I posted majority of this in my introduction and was told I should post on the "staying" board but right now I am very undecided.

I have been in a relationship with a male who has been diagnosed BPD.  He took the initiative to receive help and get a diagnosis.  I was thoroughly impressed with this, as I understand most will not seek help.

Our relationship has been filled with ups and downs, luckily no infidelity, but the normal fears of abandonment, need for constant reassurance, verbal abuse(followed by apologies), etc.  Like many others, when it is good it is absolutely amazing.  He has one of the best relationships with his family and child I have ever seen.  He is extremely attractive and intelligent, therefore it is hard for me to comprehend the insecurities.

We experienced the overwhelming and incredible feelings for each other right off the bat.  Then I found out about a few red flags; lies about previous relationships, use of prescription pills(in excess), financial hardships, and emotional instability.  Through all of this I do feel like he 100% is committed to me, which I realize is very rare as well.  He can be so extremely loving, yet tear me completely apart 30 minutes later.  The emotional roller coaster took a huge toll on me.  Being the female, I am not used to having to be the one "in charge" essentially, whether financially, emotionally, or for general support.  It is hard to think that I would not be able to adequately depend on my partner.  I am successful and do not need anyone to take care of me, especially financially, but I also don't need someone bringing me down and interfering with my career.  Which yes the hours and being away poses challenges for a relationship with someone with BPD I have realized.

Through our time together I have established a relationship with his family which I have never experienced before.  I love them all and have been able to reach out to them during these critical times of need.  Yes, there have been threats of hurting himself.  Never has he threatened to hurt me though.  Verbal abuse and "you don't love me" are frequent though.  Constantly having my efforts shot down and being cussed out repeatedly have me wondering if I should stay.  Is there actually an exception to those with BPD?  Many family and friends have already wrote him off, due to seeing the comments and roller coaster present.  I know that gaining their trust back at this point seems impossible, but yes I still hold out hope.

Can you have a successful long term relationship?  I have always been a fighter and do not like giving up.  But I can only fight an uphill battle for so long.  I do feel lucky he has chosen to get help on his on and is actively seeking treatment.  But I do question the longevity of it.

I am reading articles and posts on here, which I have found to be very helpful so far.  Trying to educate myself more and it is nice to know that I am not alone in this struggle.

[RJC83]

I’m replying to you as your situation seems very similar to mine as far as the commitment, faithfulness and love from my partner goes. 

How you describe yourself is very positive, you seem to understand what is going on and have set limits on how you want your life to be.  This is all good and this is something that will help you both.

I have been with my dBPDw for 12 years now (diagnosed finally this year) and the relationship has been very though.  Lots of ups and downs and the feeling of instability is often there.  A long term relationship would require a lot of understanding and the best info I have is research, research, research and keep practicing what you have learned.  Set your boundaries and never forget who you are and what makes you happy – it’s a slippery slope to get off from otherwise.

Take care and remember there is help out there for you as well.  Posting on here has really helped me at times, even if you just want to have a rant!

 

[spark10]

Thank you so much for your reply.  It is nice to know people have had success.  I've heard way more "run like the wind" than anything, but I do like to hear both sides of things.  I've started here with my research and looking for more understanding.

It's hard being surrounded by people who only offer negative insight.  Extremely thankful I found this site.