Still learning about all of this...

[ImWrecked]

I'm still reading a lot and reasearching all over, but a question has come to me... .Does anyone elses BP say “digging” comments to you and then when you are obviously annoyed or hurt say things like “Don’t take it personally, I’m just doing this to be more like you… I’ve tried to get you to <insert issue here>, but you obviously can’t, so I will just have to be more like you.” 

An example is that she thinks I don’t talk enough to her, about anything other than small talk.  (Of course I don’t!  It always ends in arguments!).  So now, her latest solution to this issue is that she is just going to withdraw and not tell me things, because she has to protect herself and be more like me….

Just wondering if this is familiar to others… ?

[waverider]

She is not copying you. She is doing what she wants, she is simply projecting the reason back onto you. A "you started it" type response, using a grain of truth in such a way as to make it believable.

[OutOfEgypt]

Yes, familiar.  They want to keep you on the defensive all the time, holding your head and thinking "HUH?"  They project, pass blame, etc.  My ex would throw little digs at me, in front of the kids, and then laugh and say she's only "joking" (even though they were obviously hurtful and totally inappropriate in front of the kids).  When I didn't laugh back, she would then say, "Oh, daddy is just WAY TOO SERIOUS.  ah ha ha ha ha"

You will learn that you cannot put any stock whatsoever in their explanations.  You have to listen to your gut.  Your gut says, "HEY... that HURTS" for a reason.  They will dodge blame left and right and turn it around that there is something wrong with you for even being hurt or upset in the first place.