Still always in my head.

[screwedfriend]

Since last Saturday when I caught her lying and cheating again and confronted her by text and FB, it has been no contact and the silent treatment from her, and I know I am most likely totally split black. I had to be treated this way because she knows I am on to her. The projection and anger that I have read about ensued. I am the problem. I need to seek help. Why? Well there is no explanation of that and it is nonsensical because the only problem I need to seek help from is her and her torture and abuse. What did I do that was so terrible? I caught her and exposed her lies. She cannot admit she has done wrong but must make me look like I am the bad person. She has her new victim already and can get her supply from him. The last shot across the bow was a text next morning that I could not get close to anyone and had no skills with a woman. Very cruel statement right? I see it's intention to make me feel bad for being the very best to her and truely thinking I loved her. She I guess has to lash out because the game is up and she hates that she can no longer control and manipulate me. The lack of contact now I attribute to two reasons. One she has a new victim and is concentrating on him and doesn't give a damn. The other is that she knows it is the only way she can possibly torture me now. I am sorry to say to a certain extent she is right. Having to go cold turkey on her, my unhealthy addiction though she may be, is rough. I think about her constantly still in my head but less fondly as the days go by and more in anger at what a piece of work she really is. I am coming to grips with the reality that what I percieved to love was nothing but a lie she created to victimize me and nothing more. But that waining obsession with the false self I fell for is hard to shake from my brain. She seems to me to almost have a split personality. The kind caring one I fell for and the heartless manipulative one which I think is much closer to her real identity. Any thoughts and suggestions on these perceptions would be appreciated. Maybe this love turned to nightmare is over and I can find a real love interest sometime in the near future. Besides telling me to leave her alone being the only decent thing she really ever did for me, which I told her in out last encounter, I have to thank her for one other thing. She did  awaken a part of my soul that had lain dormant for some time. The part that wants to love and be intimate with a lady who can respect and return that love. Sadly, I now realize she is incapable of that, and can only has torture anger and heartache to offer me.

[Karmachameleon]

That's one positive thing I hang onto, too.  Now I realize how I really want to feel about someone in a relationship.  But next time I will save it for someone who can return it and who deserves it.  You are doing well with your anger.  Next stop, depression... .at least it was for me.  But after that it gets much better.  Best of luck.

[myself]

The lack of contact now I attribute to two reasons. One she has a new victim and is concentrating on him and doesn't give a damn. The other is that she knows it is the only way she can possibly torture me now.

Another reason is she can't/won't honestly face herself.

The affects of her actions are reflected in who you are with her now.

You're experiencing the one-two punch of fight and flight.