Lying/avoiding who I am contacting?

[Depression = 72% of members]

This is going to sound ridiculous, (but I'm new as an ex-SO of a BPD person and I don't know the gamut of reactions yet) so bear with me... .

During our relationship my BPD partner would get jealous or not permit me to see certain friends or acquaintances (mostly those she "either wanted to be friends with herself" or out of jealousy). She threatened to withdraw affection or self-harm if I did not heed her requests (this actually got worse as time went on). I generally know it was crazy, but I heeded her requests so as to avoid conflict. There was all kinds of what I realize was "push-pull" behaviour too. She would ask why I didn't hang out with this person and that I ought to, and then be furious when I did. So I stopped altogether pretty much. There was even one friend I went for a drink with and told her - I could not hang out with her at all anymore and that it was nothing personal. Nuts, right?

Now that the relationship is over, those people I was asked to avoid have started to come back in my life. I am; however, terrified/having panic attacks just by being around these people. The problem is that while my ex BPD and I are not in contact, she is still in contact with those people she wanted me to avoid (most who were initially my friends). A common, persistent, question appears to be to these mutual friends - is whether they are in contact with me? All these mutual friends know about the breakup, and most even know about that my ex has BPD (some don't). I've advised a few of these to lie (avoid the question) to her, because I don't want the barrage of emails or texts or anything else that will happen coming from her.

I know this is nuts (one friend definitely thinks so but has agreed anyway), and avoidance is generally my strategy. Lying has risks - if she finds out (not that there's anything to find out) - she'll be hurt and possibly self-arm or go ape___. On the other hand, I get my friends (and they are JUST FRIENDS) back and no anger.

[rock_and_a_hard_place]

This is going to sound ridiculous, (but I'm new as an ex-SO of a BPD person and I don't know the gamut of reactions yet) so bear with me... .

During our relationship my BPD partner would get jealous or not permit me to see certain friends or acquaintances (mostly those she "either wanted to be friends with herself" or out of jealousy). She threatened to withdraw affection or self-harm if I did not heed her requests (this actually got worse as time went on). I generally know it was crazy, but I heeded her requests so as to avoid conflict. There was all kinds of what I realize was "push-pull" behaviour too. She would ask why I didn't hang out with this person and that I ought to, and then be furious when I did. So I stopped altogether pretty much. There was even one friend I went for a drink with and told her - I could not hang out with her at all anymore and that it was nothing personal. Nuts, right?

Now that the relationship is over, those people I was asked to avoid have started to come back in my life. I am; however, terrified/having panic attacks just by being around these people. The problem is that while my ex BPD and I are not in contact, she is still in contact with those people she wanted me to avoid (most who were initially my friends). A common, persistent, question appears to be to these mutual friends - is whether they are in contact with me? All these mutual friends know about the breakup, and most even know about that my ex has BPD (some don't). I've advised a few of these to lie (avoid the question) to her, because I don't want the barrage of emails or texts or anything else that will happen coming from her.

I know this is nuts (one friend definitely thinks so but has agreed anyway), and avoidance is generally my strategy. Lying has risks - if she finds out (not that there's anything to find out) - she'll be hurt and possibly self-arm or go ape___. On the other hand, I get my friends (and they are JUST FRIENDS) back and no anger.