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Author Topic: News Flash BPD Weekend News Update...  (Read 596 times)
HealingSpirit
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married 19 years.
Posts: 425



« on: August 10, 2014, 02:09:11 PM »

This just in... .

A young Midwestern man (22) with undiagnosed NPD attempts to break up with his BPD 17-year-old West Coast sweetheart. The 17-year-old girl was up all night on Saturday, fighting on the phone with her boyfriend who lives 1700 miles away in the Midwest. Apparently, the young man had gone out to a night club earlier that evening with some buddies and he did not return her frantic phone calls for over 2 hours.  When the young man left the nightclub at 1:00am, he finally returned his 17-year-old sweetheart's calls and yelled at her in a fit of rage during his entire walk home from the club. The young man admitted that he'd "had a few drinks" and was evidently intoxicated at the time of the phone call.

The young couple have been planning to move in together ever since the young man lost his West coast job, car, and apartment all in the same month and had no choice but to move "back home."  The couple have been apart for over 2 months and have been planning to get an apartment together in his hometown as soon as he gets back on his feet.  The 17-year-old girl (now almost 18) plans to move in with him, find a job in his home town, and start a new life there.  The couple had previously convinced themselves that all their drama and troubles will remain on the West Coast when she moves to the Midwest.  But the couple have been having drama and tearful phone calls nearly every day since he moved back home, so he may be realizing the move may not solve all their problems afterall.

The girl's mother had been sitting with her daughter, listening to her crying and sharing her concerns about the 2-hour lack of contact with the boyfriend. The mother remained calm and used tools like validation and listening with empathy while her daughter cried. Their conversation was suddenly interrupted around 11:00pm Pacific Standard time when the young man rang through on the 17-year-old's cell phone.  He was speaking so loudly, the girl's mother could hear almost every word he said, even though the phone was not in speaker mode.  The 17-year-old usually goes into her room behind closed doors during these types of phone calls.  But in this instance, the girl stayed with her mother in the family room while the boyfriend raged. This subtle gesture let the mother know her daughter needed her to stay with her during the phone call. After the 3rd time the boyfriend hung up on the 17-year-old, the mother was able to convince her daughter to go to bed and wait until he calls her back in the morning, when he's sober.

On Sunday morning, the boyfriend did call back and appeared to maintain his resolve that the couple should break up. The 17-year-old has been on the phone all morning, this time behind closed doors.  We will provide an update as more on this develops.  Film at eleven.

Brought to you by FOG, the makers of fear, obligation, and guilt.  Also sponsored by DBT, your first choice in theraputic methods.

Stay tuned to your station for the latest dramatic news.

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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
jellibeans
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« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2014, 04:13:05 PM »

oh healing I am glad you can keep your sense of humor through all of this. Could you kind of see this coming? Now the fall out from this break up. Do you think she is safe? I know this would trigger my dd17 and we would be at the ER in a minute. Do you have a crisis plan with your dd? I hope you and your dd can get through this okay. I am thinking of you. Hang in there and keep us posted.
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lever.
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« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2014, 03:21:41 AM »

I do hope your daughter is ok-this would be a major drama for most young girls and with the emotion regulation difficulties of BPD this is a very triggering event.

I hope she is allowing you to support her.

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HealingSpirit
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Relationship status: Married 19 years.
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« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2014, 12:26:33 PM »

Thankfully, DD seems to be doing okay.  I don't think the breakup is for real... .yet.  That is why it was so easy to have a sense of humor about it.   They're still talking, a lot.  It's funny, even while BF was raging at her on the phone about how ":)one!" he was, I didn't believe it was over.  I knew he'd call her first thing in the morning... .and he did.

They've been "cycling" like this for the past 2 months.  DD's tears weren't about him threatening to leave, they were because she was scared that she hadn't heard from in over 2 hours.  They both need to have constant contact with each other, and when either one of them is too busy to answer texts or calls, the other one panics.  It's not a healthy relationship, so I know it won't last.  I pray that the breakup happens BEFORE she moves there, but if not, I'm sure it will happen after she moves.  I do fear how messy it could be if they break up while she's there without any other support system.  I fear she could become so dis-regulated, she will wind up hospitalized again, or worse.  But, I'm trying to have faith that it will all work out and be an amazing learning experience for her. (More like a wake-up call.)

After I wrote my "newscast" on Sunday morning,  DD shared with me about how they had "talked it out."  I was able to share my concerns with her in a way that she really heard me and agreed.  I suggested they go to couples counseling because moving in together is like getting married, and most engaged couples go through pre-marital counseling.  She said her BF is against therapy, but if it is presented like it's a normal, sensible thing to do, I'm praying he'll change his mind.   

In the meantime, I have front row seats to a daily soap opera! 

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theplotthickens
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« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2014, 02:31:03 PM »

You are so creative and funny, Healing Spirit!  I loved the "Newscast!"  You can get through anything, with style to boot!

We are going to court next month to get guardianship of our 17 year old, actually.   Our attorney says it will take all of about 20 minutes.  I'm not sure if you had ever considered that option, if your daughter is too ill to make safe decisions for herself at 18?
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pessim-optimist
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« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2014, 10:50:05 PM »

We are going to court next month to get guardianship of our 17 year old, actually.   Our attorney says it will take all of about 20 minutes.  I'm not sure if you had ever considered that option, if your daughter is too ill to make safe decisions for herself at 18?

That's an interesting topic. Would you be interested in starting another thread and telling us more about how that works, what led you to the decision, what kind of advice you have sought on that etc.?
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Sstepdad

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« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2014, 08:32:35 AM »

Great writing, those types of guys are the only ones that SD will have a relationship that lasts more than a month.

Her longest relationship has been 5 years of course with multiple breakups and seeing other people. Nice guys don't last.
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HealingSpirit
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Relationship status: Married 19 years.
Posts: 425



« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2014, 11:51:09 AM »

Her longest relationship has been 5 years of course with multiple breakups and seeing other people. Nice guys don't last.

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Sad, but true.  DD and current BF have been dating for about 6 months, 2 of which they have lived in separate states.  I don't expect this r/s to last, but is it too much to wish that it end BEFORE we buy DD a plane ticket?   

The latest update is the couple have worked out their problems--again--and they are back to Plan A, which is to have DD move there as soon as BF finds his own apartment. -sigh-

Stay tuned. 
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